"The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."  ~NELSON MANDELA

Dear Persuader,

I noticed a sticker on the back of a truck recently. “No Fear” it said.  I thought it a bit arrogant and silly.  Our core drives of fight and flight are predicated upon the fact that there ARE in fact things out there in the world to fear.

If we’re walking down a dark alley at night and hear footsteps or screaming, we need our fear to jump start that adrenalin.  If we’re out in the woods camping and something starts to growl deeply at us, we’re going to want that fear to kick in.

And how about a near miss while driving?  I once had an experience while on my motorcycle that got that jolt of electricity and that ‘hell, it’s good to be alive’ feeling afterward.  These are physical fears. Fear of being mugged, mauled, hurt, hit. . . but what about fears that prevent you from doing things?

These are really the things we should concentrate on having “no fear” about.  It’s not about hang gliding or dare deviling, but about taking the real risks in life that cause growth to happen.

Emotional fear is most definitely something that can hold people back.  It can stop us from using our persuasion abilities in a tough spot, it can prevent us from following up on sales calls or reaching out to prospects.  It can prevent us from reaching out and connecting to a significant other for fear of getting hurt.

Pushing through this fear will give you more levels of bravery and fearlessness.  It takes you past something which once was difficult into a new paradigm of potential.

Most fears are beliefs which you think are true.  Not which are true, but which you think are true.  They can stem from an emotional paralysis leaving you feeling as if you have no choice in the experience of the fear itself.

Fear is a feeling. It is not a state of events.

I once saw an exhibit of “outsider art” where one of the projects was created by a developmentally disabled man by the name of Michael Bernard Loggins. It eventually became a book called “Fears of Your Life”.

This is an incredible exploration of the things we (humans) have the capacity to be afraid of from the tangible to the utterly absurd.

My advice to you is to create your own book of fears or at the very least, a top ten or top twenty list.  Assess yourself honestly in this. . . maybe it’s a fear of clowns, that’s okay, maybe it’s public speaking, that’s a big one.

I’ve known many people who had potential but were afraid to succeed. This one is not in my realm of comprehension because I strive for success, but it’s very real and stunts the growth of many people.

Now that you’ve got your list, it’s time to identify which are rational, i.e. stemming from a real threat, and fears which are irrational, i.e. clowns.

This is really about facing your fears and your blockages to growth.

To overcome them, try the EFT method of tapping them out (if they seem to be stunting your progress) or meditate on them and realize where they may be holding you back and how very possible it is for you to conquer them.

To your continued success!

Kenrick

A very spiritual woman I know shared the following with me: she said, ‘I used to have unfortunate beliefs about myself and I received back from external influences unfortunate results. When I decided to take control and raise my resonance, to be the change I wanted to become, to allow abundance and love come flow through me, absolutely everything fell into place. I am now living a life of leisure with a beautiful husband and I can draw what I want into my universe at will.’

What does it take to be a love magnet, or a money magnet, or a health magnet?

It takes a shift in perception and really, that’s all it takes.

We choose what to focus on. We choose to be really bummed out when it rains, or we choose to appreciate the downpour as a great opportunity to take care of indoor activities, or even better, to leave the umbrella at home and go for a walk. One person’s inconvenience is another’s puddle splashing fun.

When we focus on good, good comes to us. When we focus on grief, we grieve. This is not to say there’s no place for grief in life, it’s just to say, we need to be mindful that we’re not suffering over our own suffering. We do not need to be grief magnets.

I overheard a girl in a café the other day telling her friend, ‘I’m a freak magnet. I can’t leave my apartment without running into someone either clinically insane or whacked out on drugs or fanatical about some weirdness who wants to have extensive interaction with me.’

The friend responded, ‘That’s so strange. You live in a really nice place, in a really nice neighborhood. You wouldn’t think there’d be that many weirdoes around.’

‘They’re everywhere I am. It’s like they’re out there waiting for me to leave my house just so they can shout in my face or try to get me to join their cult.’

I thought to myself how awful it was for this girl to have this belief about herself, that no matter where she goes, no matter what she’s doing, she’s going to draw the lowest common denominator to her.

This is really how attraction works. What you think about yourself, you are. What you believe about the world, is your reality. What you speak, is your truth.

I almost wanted to say to her, ‘You know, you could just as easily not be a ‘freak magnet’ by simply telling yourself that you’re another kind of magnet.’ Then I realized that, sadly, my intrusion would only further confirm her self-diagnosis and she’d misinterpret my advice as more freakery, as in, ‘Yeah, this guy came up to me in the café and told me to be another kind of magnet. He looked pretty normal, but what a freak!’

So whatever your beliefs are about the world, I implore you, take this freak’s advice and adjust it to bring you all that you ever wanted and not the lowest common denominator.

Kenrick

PS... Be sure to post your comments and thoughts on the blog.

Dear Persuader,

"Our value is the sum of our values."   --Joe Batten

This is a great process that will help you in your persuasion skills. I think you’ll find it quite interesting.

I’ve always said that if you want to make advancements in your persuasion ability, you need to make advancements in yourself. This is advancement.

What we’re going to do is get our top values and put them in rank order. It’s pretty easy to do, and in future articles we’re going to take this on to new and interesting levels for you and then show you how you can use it to help persuade.

I’m just going to give you some examples of core values and please, feel free to add to the list.

• Honesty
• Freedom
• Security
• Passion
• Freedom
• Recognition
• Integrity
• Health
• Family
• Spouse
• Friends
• Spirituality
• Money
• Love
• Success
• Recognition
• Education
• Self improvement
• Adventure
• Fun
• Financial independence
• Variety
• Knowledge
• Self actualization
• Wisdom
• Accomplishment
• Power

Notice that happiness is missing... that’s because happiness is not a value but what will come if the core value is actualized.

Now, we’re going to put them in rank order. Take the top ten from the above list and with the ones you’ve added in and from there we’ll determine the top five in this way: Say your list, in no particular order is, health, love, money, passion, freedom, knowledge, wisdom, friends, accomplishment, recognition. These are your top ten core values.

We’ll start with health and move through the list. If you could have either perfect health and no love or you could have perfect love and no health, which would you choose? We’ll just randomly choose health for the sake of this example. So if you could have the best health or all the money you wanted, which would you choose? And we’ll choose health again. Okay, if you could have perfect health and no freedom or absolute freedom and poor health?

In this way, we go through the list to determine the top five.

What’s the value in this, you might ask. Well, if a sales professional had these top five values, (security, wealth, family), do you think they might be able to effectively interweave your security, wealth and family into the conversation about their product or service?

Of course, this isn’t information that we readily give out to everyone, nor do we elicit our prospect’s values, but what are we doing when we elicit criteria? We’re eliciting their specific values/criteria as they relate to the situation we’re asking about.

Eliciting criteria is one of the most effective ways to connect your prospect with what you’re selling.  It’s easy to do and once you really get the hang of it… it’s really fun!

Happy persuading,

Kenrick

Dear Persuaders,

While I’m thrilled that all my thirsty new students are so eager to learn that they’d work themselves into a frenzy to try to get it all at once, I don’t want that passion for persuasion to become stressful or overwhelming. As one person put it, “I kind of feel like I’m drinking from a fire hose.” I want you all to fear not.

Stop! Take a deep breath. . . now let it go.

Persuasion is a process, just as living is a process.

My programs are always intense with a tremendous amount of content. It’s perfectly natural to feel overwhelmed to some extent. However, keep in mind a few things that I think will help you.

The first thing I would suggest for those of you just starting out with my programs, those of you just opening your eyes to the vastness of the topics we explore, I would very much suggest you listen. Listen to each session and then do it again and again.  Even if you don’t think you’re getting it at first, be assured, you’re getting it.

This learning is ongoing because A, there’s so much of it, and B it’s ever evolving.

If you don’t get the opportunity of hearing something the first go around, you’ll hear it again the next time you listen, you’ll keep hearing things. Get it at whatever level you can and then start applying it. Then as you apply it, I’ll show you how to refine it and make it even more powerful.

What we are really studying here is human behavior. This is something you will hear me say over and over. We are studying human behavior, and since human behavior is not now nor will ever be entirely predictable, we keep improving our strategies to be able to interact persuasively.

This learning keeps us on the leading edge all the time compared to those that have typical sales training as a background. People are individuals with different criteria, with different ways of interacting, and as such, the keys to unlocking their particular patterns are all going to be different as well.

Some of my students have been working with me for four or five years. Some have just started recently.  There are always new people month to month, week to week, etc...

One expectation I’m finding many new students have is that there should be a level of mastery. But I’ll tell you what, I haven’t mastered this, none of my students have mastered this, and that’s because human nature is constantly evolving and with it we evolve and learn and reach and strive for more excellence, and that’s all that we need ask of ourselves.

Certainly, it wouldn’t hurt to do a lot of practicing either. I’m not suggesting in any way that you don’t need to practice, I’m just saying that learning is going to happen whether or not you pressure yourself. Wouldn’t it be more enjoyable not to pressure yourself?

This is what I explained to my new student who was worried that he wasn’t getting IT enough to satisfy his high degree of thirst. “If you step back and have perspective on this, imagine yourself able to catch the spray from the fire hose instead of having it aimed straight at your face.”

To your success,

Kenrick

Dear Persuaders,

I really like you, but...

I agree with you, but...

You look great in that dress, but...

Do you get the feeling from these three examples that whatever coming next might not be so good?

Precision with language is one of the hallmarks of a world class persuader and the big ‘but’ is a huge negator which can cost you persuasion power.

‘But’ actually weakens your ability to persuade others.  Whether you use it in print, in conversations, e-mail, or any other form of communication, it’s a tiny yet dangerous word.

How does ‘but’ hurt you?  Well, let’s take the examples above.  Have you ever had a romantic interest say to you, ‘You know, I really like you a lot, but...’?  What usually comes next?

Well, how about, ‘...but I really just want to be friends.’  Yikes!  Or I’m sure we’ve all heard this at least once,  ‘...but I’m just not ready to be in a relationship.’  Ouch!

Then there’s, ‘I agree with you, but...’  But what?  ‘But it’s just too expensive.’  Ugh.  ‘But I still think I’m right.’

Using ‘but’ in the sentence negated everything that came before it.  What ‘I agree with you, but...’ is really saying is, ‘I don’t agree with you.’

Another thing your big 'but' can do is make you sound indecisive, wishy washy, or like a dreaded waffler.  It softens the power and strength of your message, lessens your authority, and exposes weakness and avoiding this appearance of indecisiveness is especially important when persuading your prospects.

What’s more persuasive--using negating words like ‘but’, or a more solid statement like, ‘I don’t agree with you, and here’s why…’?

Take special notice when others use the word ‘but’.  Doesn’t it feel like they’re not telling you the whole story, like there’s something they aren’t expressing, something they’re not saying?

You might even get left with the feeling of ‘What else is wrong?  What else am I not aware of?’

When this occurs, our brains perform what is called a trans-derivational search (TDS) in order to internally search for what’s wrong.  You’re actually attempting to mind-read what you think they’re leaving out.  In most cases, this leaves you assuming they disagree with you.  That’s the opposite of rapport.

I noticed a big but awhile back.  Paris Hilton was being interviewed before she went to jail (the first time).  Her sentences were filled with incongruencies and at one point where she said (and I’m paraphrasing), ‘Well, I feel really bad about what I’ve done and I’m ready to face the consequences of my actions, but…’ and then she just trailed off.  She didn’t finish her sentence.

But?  ‘...but, I’m a beautiful, spoiled, privileged, entitled heiress and I can do whatever I want’?  ‘...but bite me.  I’ll do whatever I please with no consequences’?  See?  That’s where my trans-derivational search went.  I filled in her blank with my own mind reading abilities.  I’d say I’m not too far off on this one.  =)

One of the great secrets to persuasion is reading between the lines.  What people say is what they mean.  ‘But’ is a perfect example of this.  Listening to what people say is your job.  Take a moment to distinguish the actual words and you’ll likely be surprised at what they are really saying.

There’s a really easy way to eliminate ‘but’ and regain your persuasive power.  Simply replace it with ‘and’.

Instead of, ‘I agree with you, but I still think I’m right.’ Try, ‘I agree with you and I still think I’m right.’  Instead of, ‘I really want to hire you, but we can’t afford what you’re asking.’  Try, ‘I really want to hire you, and we can’t afford what you’re asking.’

Notice how this gives you more credibility when speaking to others.  The more congruency you have in your communication and the fewer contradictions you make, the more successful you will be in persuading others.

Warmly,

Kenrick

Dear Persuader,

Ever since I can remember, starting from when I was a young boy, I’ve struggled with my weight. I was stuck in a body that didn’t represent my mind’s view of myself, but did represent a weakness I had in relation to food.

It always brought to mind the Andrew Carnegie quote, “People who are unable to motivate themselves must be content with mediocrity, no matter how impressive their other talents.” I knew that this struggle was holding me back from total mastery and it frustrated me to no end.

Those of you who have seen my physical transformation in the couple of years know that I have finally found my motivation.  And I’ll tell you this: not only have I succeeded in making my body healthier, my entire life is exploding with new passion and new ventures and I no longer have that stuck energy holding me back.

I’m by no means all the way there. However, I’m so much closer than ever before. I probably still have 60 more pounds to go but having lost 127 so far, that’s a very significant step in the right direction.

What was my big, swift kick in the butt? Well, the doctors had sentenced me to death. They told me that I had become diabetic. In fact, I had almost died from a diabetic coma. They told me that I was going to be on insulin for the rest of my life and that was that. I was having to inject myself many times a day with insulin as well as taking prescription medicine orally in order to combat this. Now, 127 pounds later, I’m off the insulin, no more prescriptions, the doctor says I’m the poster child in their office for how to deal with this issue successfully.

I had several triggers. First: the doctor told me I would never get off of it and that made me mad. I told him that nobody sentences me to death. He said, ‘can’t’ and ‘die’ and that enraged me.  Secondly: I wanted to see my children grow up, spend a long life with my family, continue to do my work in the world. For a long time that hadn’t been enough to shock me out of my really destructive behavior, but with that first trigger—the anger—the second became an extraordinarily important factor. I realized my mortality and that I was putting myself into an early grave one French fry, one slice of pizza, one pint of ice cream, one candy bar at a time.

Another thing that really resonated with me is the weight loss coach said to me, “If I ate as many carbs a day as you did I would quickly need insulin too. I’d be as big as you. The body cannot process that much. It simply can’t do it. So either you’re going to figure this out and make a change or you’re going to die from it. The choice is yours. You’re going to think that it’s normal to be on insulin and/or you’re going to die, OR you’re going to change. What are you going to do here?”

That was it.  I said, ‘What do I need to do? How do I solve this issue?” And I realized that I had to start eating protein. Even though I had been pretty much a vegetarian my whole life I made a commitment to eat protein and decrease carbs. I stopped eating prepared foods, fast food and started eating right.

I’m by no means perfect and I have other issues that I struggle with all the time. But I’m determined to continue on to overcome all of my challenges. I hope I make it but I’ll tell you what, even if I stay where I’m at, that’s a hell of a success story.

Is a desire and willingness to do something enough? Nope. An intense desire to live, and live without discomfort or disease, was important. But for me I needed to get angry.

What is your trigger for change? What are your stuck points? Where do you need to push the energy through to open up channels?  Are you on the cusp of greatness in persuasion, the precipice of incredible wealth or path to optimal health? What do you need to finally realize you have wings that will enable you to soar to greatness?

This was a big swift kick in my butt and with any luck I can serve in that same capacity for those reading this message. Where do you need a big, fat kick in the butt? Or is it more that you need a big, swift kick in your fat butt? If that’s the case, get off of it, that’s step number one. Step number two, change.

Let’s work together to clear those stuck points.

Kenrick E. Cleveland

PS... Just a reminder that I'm currently accepting new coaching students!  It is currently more affordable than ever so be sure and contact my assistant Kim for details.  Kim@maxpersuasion.com

One of the bonuses of learning to persuade is that we have the ability to work our skills on ourselves.   When we apply self-persuasion, we can naturally accomplish anything we set our minds to.

However, we must set the stage for productivity and there are a number of things we can do to increase our capacity to achieve.  These are simple, practical, and sometimes elusive activities and mindsets that come easily for some and are more of a challenge for others.  With persistence, comes progress.  I promise.

One of the most passive and pleasurable (though sometimes hard to attain from a time management standpoint) is getting enough sleep.  Our brains recharge us as we sleep allowing our bodies to cleanse, repair, and rejuvenate on a deep cellular level.

In terms of maximizing your productivity, think about your own internal rhythms and when you get the most done.  Are you an ‘early to bed, early to rise’ full of energy in the mornings type of person?  If so, try adding ten or twenty minutes to your morning by going to sleep a little earlier.  Conversely, if you’re a night owl, determine when you are at your peak in terms of getting things done.

These next two ideas may seem time consuming, but the energy you will get from them will help you incredibly in all aspects of your life.  Proper nutrition and exercise. UGH!! I know, it’s hard to eat right, junk food tastes good, it’s too difficult to exercise, it takes way too much time. I know, I know.  I used to think exactly the same way, but the myriad benefits you will gain from incorporating these into your life will more than make up for the effort and time you invest.

As creatures of habit, we do the next step instinctually.  Creating a routine helps with both starting a new, healthy habit and eliminating an old, unhelpful habit.  Success comes about as a result of your intention.   We’ve all been in ruts and know that they have a negative frame attached to them.  I’m not suggesting we all get ourselves in ruts where we can’t see the forest through the tress.  I am suggesting that we learn to do certain things without thinking--like taking your vitamins or starting the day out with a light and sound session, or working on your universes or expressing gratitude for the good things that come to you.  These are all routines that have a positive impact on us.

And lastly, creating stress free situations and environments is crucial.  Even if your work requires a certain amount of stress, if you’re constantly under deadlines you have got to make sure there are places in your life when you can simply decompress.   Sleep is not enough when it comes to decompressing either, so there has to be a hobby or meditative state or prayer or quiet time or time in nature, playing golf, playing cards with the grandkids... whatever pleases you--in order to unwind.

Incorporating these five steps into your life will boost your productivity, not to mention your health, well being, and peace of mind.

Warmly,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

Dear Persuader,

'Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.' --Albert Einstein

The concept of change is a difficult one to define.  Sometimes things seem to stay the same for huge periods of time. Many people do their absolute best to hold on to things vehemently hoping to stave off the inevitable—their houses, way of dressing, hairstyles, friends, familiar belongings surrounding them all remaining the same giving them a sense of comfort, security.  This is a sad misconception. Holding on to outdated ways does not keep us more secure.

The world around us is constantly changing. The weather changes, time changes, seasons change… there is absolutely nothing we can do to hold back and working against it is incredibly detrimental to our growth.

I’m now in my late forties ready to make personal and professional changes which both excite me and scare me. And I face this thrill/fear with an eagerness to embrace the inevitable growth these changes will bring.

Now that we’re a little way into the New Year, it’s time to take inventory of what needs to change for you.  I wrote a little bit about resolutions at the beginning of the year. This is a basis for change for some people, a nice trigger. However, larger changes come at you at unexpected times, not on a predictable timetable, many times without our consent. (Scary.) And managing our fear over these changes is really the key to happiness and fulfillment on all fronts.

If you’re one of the many people with the fear of change, this is for you, a new start, a chance to stop robbing yourself of the opportunities available to you with a little risk.

The first thing to realize is that your resistance to change is emotional. And emotional resistance is really difficult to overcome. It can be done.  Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about emotions and how each and every emotion we have is a choice. This has really struck a chord in me and given me a new found sense of freedom over what I choose to feel.

Sometimes this resistance is ennui, a general weariness (not to be mistaken for laziness) and what is required in this instance is a sincere desire to push past. For other people change is a fear losing something valuable and a fear the unknown. Valid, both, but remember, regrets are seldom about things we tried, and often about the things we were too afraid to try, the chances we didn’t take.

Part of what I am changing has to do with really exciting developments soon to come in what I am offering at MAXpersuasion. Please stay tuned for new classes, new opportunities to expand your persuasion and your life.  If you would like more information about classes starting soon, please contact Kim at kim@maxpersuasion.com and ask for a run down. Otherwise, stay tuned… there are many exciting changes to come.

Here's to your success!

Kenrick E. Cleveland

Hi Persuader,

We live in a world of distractions and this, I feel, is an understatement. We have so much coming at us from all arenas. . . Even as I sit here typing this, I’m getting alerts that I have new e-mail, I’m getting instant messages from my assistant,  the dog wants to play, nature calls, I’m thirsty, the phone rings.  Phew.  It’s exhausting just to write a paragraph with all of the other things intruding on concentration and focus.

There’s an old saying, ‘If you chase two rabbits, both will escape.’  By scattering our energy, we are not giving adequate attention to the important task at hand.

Alexander Graham Bell once said, ‘Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work at hand. The sun's rays do not burn until brought to a focus.’

There are so many things we can and may be thinking about when we are interacting with a prospect or client. Our internal dialogue may have us worried about our breath or maybe we’ve got something stuck in our teeth. We might be worried about what the mechanic is going to tell us when we call them back or if the kids got to school on time. Issues large and small will battle for our attention and really what we need to be doing is focusing on our prospects and moreover, focusing intently on our prospects criteria and values.

I think of this focus as a flashlight. For example, if we aim our flashlight at a wall out in front of us, we might think we’re seeing quite a bit.  But say there’s something on a shelf that you really want to see. . . what do you do? Well, if you have a flashlight like mine, you have the ability to make the beam wider or narrower. When it gets narrower, it penetrates further. And when it’s wider, it shows me more space, but less distance.  By beginning to focus laser-like on one aspect, we can see more clearly what we want to see (in this case, what we want to know is what our clients want).

As persuaders, I would say one of the things to focus with our flashlight upon is the identity of the person that we’re talking to.

What did I just do? I adjusted the flashlight. I got clearer about where I wanted to focus.

I like to imagine that the client is a white board, I’ve wiped clean, wiped myself clean, and now they’re writing themselves onto that board of which I’m becoming a part of.  If we can focus on identity as persuaders, this would be a key area for which we can develop parts, a key area that we can frame and reframe. It’s a very powerful area.

The whole point of what we’re s persuaders is to learn to shine that light in various ways to best understand and provide what it is that our clients and prospects want. So take a deep breath the next time you are interacting with a prospect, and really focus that beam on them shutting out all other distractions.

Kenrick

“We shall never have more time. We have, and always had, all the time there is. No object is served in waiting until next week or even until tomorrow. Keep going... Concentrate on something useful.” --Arnold Bennett

Hi Persuader,

Okay, so sometimes I just don’t feel like writing. And sometimes I just don’t feel like working. And on occasion, I’ll admit it, I just don’t feel like going to the gym. And I can always think up so many other things to do, like organize my receipts, or walk the dog, or catch up on my TiVo viewing. . .

And sometimes I even procrastinate on one thing by doing another thing which I was previously procrastinating on. For example, sometimes I don’t want to write so much that I’ll choose the gym as an alternative.

For the most part, though, I’m lucky. I love what I do and I have overcome my minor bouts with procrastination by working with my other-than-conscious mind and working with my intention to set my daily, weekly, monthly and yearly courses, setting watermarks along the way to make sure I am succeeding in my goals.

Procrastination is avoidance. But sometimes there is value in procrastination, sometimes avoiding one thing can push you into another.

In the business world, time is of the essence, so time management and getting things done is king. Having a way to manage any serious procrastination problem is vital. Procrastination is a habit and habits can be broken and rerouted. When you break an old habit, however, it’s important to have a new one in its place, a system for dealing with the ruts that we’ve gotten into over time. (Many times you’ll see a smoker nibbling on carrot sticks as a temporary alternative to get them over the hump where their hand/mouth habit is concerned.)

Understand that your intention is what is setting you on the path to avoidance. And by switching this intention and having a solid resolve for what you want to do and how you’re going to do it, you are setting your other-than-conscious on a mission. This works only if you train your other-than conscious mind properly.

Try this: have a conversation with your other than conscious. Ask it for its help in turning a new leaf on getting things done. Set small goals at first, goals that you are certain you can keep, because you are training your other-than-conscious to work on your behalf. So if you say, ‘I’m going to take out the garbage’, take out the garbage. That’s totally doable. And if you say, ‘Okay, tomorrow I’m going to make two phone calls which I will follow up on with letters’, make those two phone calls and write those two letters.

Visualize yourself keeping your appointments with yourself, following up on your intentions, and getting things done. By creating this synergy with your intention, other-than-conscious, imagination and your deep desire to accomplish what you need to accomplish, you have the ability to push past any procrastination problems you might encounter.

Here's to victory over procrastination!

Kenrick Cleveland