Hi Persuader,

I AM YOUR ATTITUDE!

I AM YOUR MASTER.
I can make you rise or fall.
I can make you a success or failure.
I can work for or against you.
I control your feelings and actions.
I can make your heart sing with happiness.
I can make you wretched, dejected, or morbid.
I can make you angry and resentful.
I can make you lonely, discouraged or depressed.
I can make you sick, listless.
I can be a shackle, heavy and burdensome.
I can be a prism's hue, dancing bright and colorful.
I can be nurtured and grown to be beautiful.
I can never be removed, only replaced.
I AM YOUR ATTITUDE! (author unknown)

We all have our "moments". . . moments of doubt, moments of feeling blue, moments of road rage. The wide spectrum of human emotions is within us all-from bliss and joy to feelings of sorrow and misery. The key is to remember that emotions are choices.

We are not victims. We choose to have and to hold the thoughts and emotions we experience every day. And with that choice comes a responsibility. When someone cuts us off in traffic or is wildly inconsiderate, we can either give them the horn (or the finger) and follow them at an uncomfortably close range, or we can let it go and not allow it to stick.

This, admittedly, can be very difficult. It's a crowded world. There are people who have no manners, who couldn't care any less that you have been inconvenienced by their rudeness. And yet, that's the way things will remain whether you choose to get angry and filled with rage, or whether you let it slip right off you like water slips off a duck.

Of course, there are moments when confrontation is necessary, but is it really necessary or worth it to confront over everything? Someone "steals" your parking spot. . . do you make a huge deal out of it, or do you continue on and find your own parking spot? I've had moments. . .moments of anger, but have come to realize that these moments are way less productive for me than a simple readjustment or enlarging of the frame through which I am looking at the situation.

One readjustment I recently heard about is this: say you've gotten yourself into one of these moments, an angry or enraged or sad moment, and you are sitting there stewing in it but don't want to let it linger. As incongruous as this might feel, smile. Put a big fat grin on your face. Let those dimples come out.

In doing this, you are very consciously choosing to not stew. And you are also tricking yourself into feeling better. You are becoming the master of your attitude.

Think of the people that are inconsiderate or rude, not as people who are trying to screw up your day, but as people who are testing your resolve to have a good attitude.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

Hi Persuader,

Previously in Let’s Get Emotional, I described the ‘whys’ of appealing to our clients and prospects on an emotional level. Now I’m going to give you some ‘hows’.

We all want to believe that we’re doing the right thing. We all want to believe that it makes the most amount of sense for our clients to act on what we tell them because we can back something up with logic does not mean the client will part with their money. In fact, backing it up with logic is largely irrelevant.

If you get emotionally involved with your product or service and you believe in it your odds of passing that enthusiasm and feeling onto your prospects and clients is greatly increased.

Say you’re a financial advisor and you nearly twisted somebody’s arm to buy life insurance one day, and they did, and a few years later one of them dies and the life insurance pays off and saves the family. The spouse calls you, in tears, crying, telling you that the loss of their loved one -- they don’t know how they’re going to get over it, but at least they don’t have to worry about money. They tell you, ‘I want you to know, I didn’t like you very much. I told my husband I thought you were pushy when you were on us to buy insurance but I want to tell you, I was the one who was wrong and I’m so grateful that you did what it took to get us to make that happen. I don’t know how I’ll get over my husband’s loss, but financially I’m going to be okay.’

When you get involved emotionally with your product, you will most definitely pass that on to your customers, to your potential customers, to your current customers, to everybody, and they will know that they’re dealing with someone who really believes. That goes so far to help you sell powerfully.

On the other hand, think about what it would sound like if you were to logically argue the actuarial tables about the client being this age and by that age, odds are they’re going to die, and if they don’t have insurance up to this point, it’s a mistake. I’ll tell you, this is much, much less likely to work for you.

I heard a story about a Japanese insurance firm who hired widows to sell life insurance. It’s a somewhat manipulative tactic as I see it, but think about how ingenious that is. These women are calling secure non-widowed housewives and laying their story about -- they too were once secure and had a husband and now they’re reduced to having to sell insurance to make ends meet. (Incidentally, I happen to believe that selling insurance is as noble a profession as any other and have no perception of this being something someone does when they are ‘reduced’ to do it. I am passing on the story to illustrate how one firm managed to really manipulate the heck out of emotional selling.)

Real estate agents, financial advisors, sales people of every sort -- post some examples of the emotions your clients experience in the course of your interactions with them have impacted your business and think about how you can incorporate into your selling these stories for maximum persuasion.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

Hi Persuader,

Here's a bold statement, but one I'm willing to stand behind: forget about appealing to your prospect or client logically. In sales, appealing to logic comes a (way) distant second to appealing to their emotions.

To illustrate this, I'm going to tell you a story about some college kids who learned this and put it to the test.

The students all got together and agreed before class started that if the professor moved to the right of the classroom, to the student's right as they were facing the classroom, the students would sit up and pay close attention. They would be very quiet, smile, and nod approvingly at the professor. But if the professor moved to the left of the classroom, the farther left he went, the students would cut up, act out, throw things, look away from the professor and act disinterested.

Class began. They followed through with their plan and it didn't take but about a half an hour and the professor was pegged into the right side of the room, standing there for the entire rest of the class with the students absolutely gobbling up everything he said, excitedly listening, nodding, smiling and showing their approval of all that he was doing.

The next day, they decided that they would do the exact same thing but just reverse it. So class began and what they did is as the professor would move to the right, which he started right off towards the right of the room, they immediately would cut up and act up and act disinterested and as the professor would go to the left of the room, they would act interested and they would do what they should. It took not too long and the professor was pegged over into the left of the room.

Throughout the whole process, the professor had no idea what was going on. The professor didn't know that they were doing this and had no way of knowing that they were doing this. He was massively affected by what they did.

Why? Well, we like it when people approve of us, we love to be smiled at, we love encouragement, we love to know we're having a good impact on people, we love it when people have interest in what we're saying and doing. These are all fundamentally emotional reactions.

How would you like to be able to affect people in that same way and get them doing things and responding to you in ways that up to now has been happenstance?

The thing to remember first and foremost is that people are led to decisions based on their emotions. Emotions bring people to decisions, logic cements or potentially breaks that decision. The logical aspect is actually is very minor. Obviously, for each person it's slightly different, but if I were to just grossly generalize, making decisions based on emotion may be as high as 80, 85 percent while logic is only a very small 15, 20 percent to back it up.

A person who makes their living persuading but can't use emotions well will most likely never make much money, at least the cards are stacked strongly against them. And similarly, a person who can make strong logical arguments but is not adept at utilizing emotion also has the cards strongly stacked against them.

So how do we do this? Well, stay tuned for an upcoming post for more information about getting to your prospect's and client's emotions.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

Hi Persuader,

In a previous blog post, I gave an overview of VAK (Unraveling VAK) and it's use in persuasion and gaining rapport. I also went into more detail about the 'V' in VAK in 'Seeing the Light'. Obviously, with a title like 'Getting Touchy Feely, I've moved on to the 'K'.

To gain rapport we have to learn how people construct and make their reality. And we have to learn how they interact with that reality. For kinesthetic oriented people, that interaction is through touch and feel.

The way you know that you're interacting with a kinesthetic or feeling oriented person is that they tend to grasp for the way in which things are going to come across. They'll want to bend with you and walk, step by step. They'll often want to stick with things and grasp a hold of the kinds of things you're going over with them. Sometimes they'll even strain and work hard to tackle the task at hand. This is what kinesthetic oriented people do and sometimes they'll even touch their arm or their leg and rub it while they talk. They're kind of getting in touch with the way they feel about what's going on. They also sometimes talk about balance and merging together and catching up.

Bill Clinton is a perfect example of a kinesthetic person. One pretty famous quote of his, which was turned into parody by his notorious predilections, was 'I feel your pain.' That's the epitome of kinesthesia.

If a visual person speaks pretty quick and they're zipping right along and an auditory person speaks a little slower and sometimes in a very sing-songy voice or in a flat monotone that you can easily detect they're doing, then a kinesthetic person, in contrast, often speaks much slower and they struggle for the next thought.

Kinesthetic people obviously use kinesthetic words. These cover the tactile sense of feeling-hot, cold, firm, a firm touch, vibration-as well as the emotional sense of feeling-love, happiness, joy, anger.

Another thing kinesthetic oriented people do is they love to stand close so that they can reach out and touch. You can touch them on the shoulder, you can give them a hug, all within the realm of being respectful of course, but you can be right in their face. They love it. They're not using their pictures like the visually oriented person is (at least consciously) so they don't need to be able to see them.

That's another major difference between the three groups that will help you to identify them. One of the biggest ways though, for me, is that they, struggle . . . for their words. . .

In contrast to visual people who look up, and auditory people look side-to-side or level, kinesthetic oriented people will look down, in general.

Along these lines, but as sort of a side note, a few weeks ago I read a story online about a junior high school student in Virginia who had been cited for two infractions by his school for hugging a friend. Why? His school has a 'no physical contact' policy. This includes no handshakes, no high fives, no pats on the back, no hand holding-no touching of any sort.

My initial thought was, wow, that's really strange. Then I thought of the kinesthetic kids who might be going to that school and what a disservice is being done to them. I mean, I understand the need for clear boundaries, but no physical contact whatsoever between friends? Seems like a dangerous road to travel down.

Coming soon: Auditory Adventures.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

Hi Persuader,

You know what's overrated? Rationality. I know, I know, it's important to have your feet firmly planted on the ground in order to grow roots, in order to have a foundation, a base from which to work. But in business the idea of rationality has become supreme and I think we've lost something in the transition from 'mom and pop' business to faceless corporations that is an integral part of selling our products or services, especially when dealing with an affluent clientele.

Our viability as people who sell, is intrinsically linked to our client's and prospect's emotions and their other-than-conscious minds. In past posts/articles, I've gotten very detailed about 'how' to access these emotions (i.e. eliciting their criteria, creating rapport), and I'd like to discuss here more the 'why' of the process.

Our emotions drive us. Core emotions and our DNA are what make us take action. We are primitive beings ruled by the same things our ancient ancestors were ruled by. They didn't have to contend with a bombardment of products or services vying for their business. They worried about the very basics: food, shelter, sex, fight or flight and had no concept of choice, luxury or affluence.

When we interact with a prospect, this should be a thought we hold foremost in our minds: appeal to the core. Gut instincts are far more powerful than the rational mind. Making the rational and the core emotions mesh, is our job.

Gut reactions happen instantly. In his book 'Blink', Malcolm Gladwell discusses rapid cognition, that which happens in the blink of an eye. He writes about thinking without thinking. Our emotional processes take only 1/5th of the time our rational brain takes to assimilate.

Think of this in terms of how sales used to be and how they are now. Despite the fact that at our cores we're like cavemen, we are incredibly sophisticated. If you consider even back to the fifties, sixties and seventies, the 'features and benefits' style of sales, the Dale Carnegie method, these were passable at the time, but as our choices have grown in the marketplace, so have our BS detectors. We know when someone's being slick with us and it doesn't feel good.

Now think of how good it feels to be understood, and at ease, and the fact that this response is absolutely duplicatable with the right training. Accessing our prospect's values, eliciting their criteria, and with sincerity, honesty and integrity, combining it with what our products or our services, all make for an emotional alchemy that is easy to feel good about.

In our advanced state of civilization (depending on your perspective) we are given amazing choices and opportunities. There are products and services available to us that even a generation ago, wouldn't have been dreamed up. In this ever expanding atmosphere it seems likely that those of us who know how to access the core and our prospect's emotions are going to be the ones capable of rising to the top in our given fields. By elevating emotions and partially bypassing rationality, we find ourselves with incredible persuasion power.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

Hi Persuader,

Empathy is the ability to identify with and the vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another person. Empathy is the capacity to understand and respond to the other's experiences.

Can you see any advantage of that in terms of persuasion? I sure can. I've been using it as a secret weapon for years in my persuasion and I'll now share it with you.

Here's an exercise to really help you get into the affluent mindset of your clients...

It's all about understanding and responding to their experiences. You may have heard of another powerful technique like this where you metaphorically 'jump' into them. Here, we are instead going to experience them.

When someone feels that kind of trust - where you are actually experiencing what they are going through - rapport is never far behind.

There is unbelievable power in being able to tell how someone feels just by observing them.

With loved ones whose patterns we know and understand, this comes naturally. This exercise you will give you an insight to people you don't know that well (if at all).

The ability to empathize with people you've never met before - from your affluent prospects to potential employees to potential romantic relationships - is pure gold. This is incredibly powerful for EVERY situation and you will begin to see just how it works once you practice it yourself just a few times.

For this exercise you'll need a partner. Here's the set up:

Ask your partner to think of anything. Call it 'A'. Notice how their body is arranged - facial features, breathing, muscle tension, gestures, etc. - and take a mental snapshot. This is how they represent thought 'A'.

Next, have them break state by looking around the room and naming three things they see. (This is just to get their mind off of 'A' and to revert back to their normal state.)

Now, have them think of something qualitatively different, though not necessarily opposite. Call it 'B'.

[NOTE: When you first do this exercise thinking of the opposite may make it easier, but I encourage you to develop your skills and not use something opposite once you've got the hang of it.]

Okay, now have them break state again.

Next, have them think about either the A or B thought, without telling you which. Your job is to tell which one they're thinking about, just by looking at them. Which snapshot do they resemble the most?

Once you've done this enough times, switch roles and let them enjoy the experience of being able to tell what you're thinking. You can begin to really know the people you deal with regularly.

Now you don't practice this with your prospects. You're not going to sit down with them and say, "okay, now let's practice a persuasion technique..." You practice this with the people you know well, so that you can fine-tune your observation skills.

After a while, you will begin to recognize the smallest state changes in others as you converse with them. When they speak about certain topics, give you certain answers, you will actually experience them and they will feel it too.

Although they will not be able to pin point the feeling they get, they will feel connected to you.

So what's the value in this? Certainly it's a fast and effective way to gain rapport. It also puts the person in a state of feeling understood.

Another way this can be valuable is in determining whether or not a client is lying. Not that you need to interrogate a client, but knowing if someone's fibbing is always useful.

If a prospect, for instance, explains that their finances are "great" but their body language belies this, then these verbal and nonverbal cues can be a dead give away that this prospect doesn't really have a steady hold on his finances - and this information can be used to your persuasive advantage.

You can use other persuasive strategies (taught in detail in my Persuasion Factor program) to get this prospect to open up about their financial situation. And once you do that, you gain even more rapport, you get to the heart of their problem, and you can immediately introduce yourself and your service as the solution to their problem.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world." ~Buddha

Hi Persuader,

Here's an idea that may seem a little esoteric, a little woo woo, a little California, but put that aside for a moment and trust that I'm not leading you down the path to woo woo.

Hypothetically, imagine that all things in the universe vibrate. Everything. Imagine your prospect vibrating.

What is the speed at which they are vibrating? What is the speed at which you are vibrating? Mesh those two, so you vibrate at their speed. That's pacing.

Then move the meshed vibrations up or down, wherever you want to be. That's leading.

Is this a construct in your mind? Absolutely. Does that mean it doesn't really happen? Not necessarily.

It simply means that you don't actually have to feel it; in fact, you're probably not going to feel it, but just build a model in your mind. Can you adjust it? You bet. And that's what I'm going to suggest that you do.

We're going to imagine that we're all vibrating and you're going to adjust your vibration to where your prospect is. That means speed up or slow down to where they are.

Then you're going to take them to where you want them to go. You're going to lead by adjusting your own vibrations.

Vibration and rhythm are part of the same thing. They're part of the same basic way of looking at a person.

Rhythm is a more blatant sense of vibration, so if I look at the whole person as the vibration, then I would look at them in terms of rhythm. Are they doing anything rhythmical? Are they swaying? Are they moving something rhythmically? Tapping a pen, shaking their leg?

When I say "mental construct," I mean it literally. It is simply to say I believe I'm harmonizing, that my unconscious is making a representation and harmonizing to who and what you are. By attempting to do that, I'm going to move more into your framework, more into your model of the world, and you'll sense that.

Here are some ways to make rhythm more accessible...

Where is the rhythm located in that person? Where do you perceive the rhythm to be centered? High in their body? Low in their body? Where do you see this rhythm taking place?

Some people seem to emanate from low down. Some people seem to emanate from their center. Others from their head. Where does this person seem to emanate from? Where do they seem to come from as a person?

Simply be open to the idea and look for it. It doesn't matter whether you see it or hear it - it will still influence the person. That's my point.

Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Notice as you do this that the minute I said, "Take a deep breath and close your eyes," you probably began to slow your rhythm down.

Your vibrations probably began to slow because your first assumption was altered state. Notice how your vibration changed with your assumption changing. Your presupposition changed. You changed.

Now I want you to begin to imagine your vibration increasing and speeding up, moving faster and faster.

Then I want you to notice the direction it's traveling. Does yours go around in circles? Does it go up and down? Does it go back and forth? Which way is it moving?

I want you to move faster, and I want you to expand it slightly.

Now speed it up even faster. How do you feel once it's sped up? What's the difference between the feeling of your vibration going fast and your vibration going slow? What's the difference?

That difference is how you can begin to adjust yourself to the affluent individual you're dealing with in any given situation. You do this in order to come into rapport with them and bring them to where you want them to go.

In this way, you guide them along through your persuasion, to the ultimate buying decision.

Until next time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland