Hi Persuader,

Try this: I'm sure you'll get it real quick but because you're all such good folks out there, I want you to spell the word 'folk' three times. Do it right now in your mind. Spell the word 'folk' three times as fast as you can.

Now what do you call the white part of an egg?

Did you say yolk? Really?

Are you asking your prospects the right questions to get to their deepest values and criteria? When we elicit criteria, if we're doing it right, our prospects don't understand what they are really giving us.

So how can we make the most of each question we ask? An extremely important thing to remember is that the questions cause the answer. What does that mean? It means that as we learn to better ask the question, we're going to be a lot better at making persuasion happen.

If I were to look at you as a brand new client, and you've never bought anything from me before and let's say I'm an advisor and I'm there to help you with wealth planning throughout your generations and I say, "Would you just tell me the two or three things that you need to hear me say today to make you buy? Just tell me so that we can get this part out of the way. Go ahead. I'm listening."

What would happen? That's right. Nothing. They'd probably either tell you to leave or they'd get up and walk out. Yet magically, when we elicit their criteria, they gladly give that very same information to us.

Why? Well, to an extent, it's disguised.

Your prospect does not understand what they're giving you when you ask this way. They don't get it. Once in a blue moon you'll find someone giving you resistance to this, but it doesn't happen often.

Even if they did understand what they were giving us, it is socially correct and absolutely acceptable to find out what they need prior to recommending a product or service. Doctors don't just prescribe medicine prior to finding out about your history, finding out if you have allergies or without finding out why you're there to see them. Neither do consultants, lawyers, or sales people. We simply cannot give people any recommendation if we don't know what they want or need.

Here's the point and this is important: we're setting people's minds up so that we can enter them and we can get them to do what we want them to do. We can set them going along a direction that when we interrupt that direction, we can cause them to immediately, as if it was always so, go along with what we're saying. (What's the white part of an egg called?)

When I ask you 'what's important about X?' or 'if I were a magician and I had a magic wand and I could wave it and get you anything in business you want, what would it be?' I'm listening very intently for where you have the strongest emotional reaction to one of the words that you're saying.

We're opening the people's minds. We're opening them to their own desires, to their own things.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

"It still holds true that man is most uniquely human when he turns obstacles into opportunities."
--Eric Hoffer

Hi Persuader,

I had a teacher who was relentlessly optimistic and positive about everything. As a teenager, it sort of bugged me because. . . .well, because I was a teenager and teenagers are seldom relentlessly optimistic or positive. Everything "bad" could be turned into something "good" according to this teacher. Setbacks and obstacles were learning experiences. Crushes gone bad and broken hearts were just a preparation for really clarifying what we wanted in a mate. Struggles with certain subjects in school became self challenges that we could, by all means, triumph over.

Ugh. It really annoyed me.

Now, as an adult, and a parent of teenagers (who happen not to be pessimists or negative), I realize that she was 100%, absolutely correct.

We get into these ruts. . . we get into these ways of thinking about things around us that keep us trapped. It's the old cliché of the 'glass half full/glass half empty'.

The events in your life are not what make you who you are, but it is your response to these events that show your true character. Lately I've been really exploring the idea that our emotions and emotional responses to external stimuli, are choices. Emotions are choices. That's a revelation in some ways. It's very freeing. I'm not connected to anger if I don't want to be. I'm not responding with fear because I choose not to. I'm not choosing to be depressed about things I have no control over.

And if you notice, those last three statements are in the form of negative statements. Changing this pattern also requires that we pay careful and patient attention to the language we use. I am . . . I am choosing to be courageous. I am choosing to let this go. I am choosing to realize that I am separate from the things that happen around me.

What if just by readjusting our obstacles into opportunities, we attract more of what we want? What if it's that simple? Wouldn't it be worth it to suspend cynicism? Wouldn't it be worth it to let go of the patterns that have kept us stagnant? I should think so.

I only wish I had learned this lesson earlier. Not that I was a depressed or pessimistic kid, but we all have moments. . . This reframing of struggle into potential and exciting lessons is exactly the kind of thing that we as persuaders can learn from. Framing and reframing our lives and the lives of those around us is absolutely mandatory if we want to succeed in persuasion. Helping others to see that the glass is half full, helping others to see how our products and services will benefit them immeasurably in life, helping our loved ones, our teenagers, to realize that every day we make the choice (many times unconsciously) to be unhappy, is a real revelation. Let's make our choices consciously and use that consciousness for relentless optimism.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

Hi Persuader,

We've all heard of athletes who say they were really in 'the zone'. The zone is that perfect point where whatever we're doing is accomplished with ease and elegance whether it be playing an instrument, driving down the perfect road at the perfect speed on the perfect motorcycle, or selling to one prospect after another.

There are days when I'm speaking to my students on a coaching call and days when I'm giving in person presentations where I'm "on", where I know I'm affecting people deeply and meaningfully. Of course I strive for that each and every time and hit the mark most days. (I also know that we all are prone to an off day and instead of getting down on myself for the rare off day, I view them as lessons on what to improve instead of dwelling in the 'oh woe is me' mentality.)

I have a friend who's a massage therapist. She told me a story about how after nine years of doing massage, she finally felt she gave a really phenomenal massage for the first time recently. She said, "I have known on several occasions when the massage I'm giving is awful, where I'm not going to see the person again under any circumstance because I'm absolutely not connecting with them or they aren't connecting with me, but I never could tell when I was giving a really good massage and I think that's because I wasn't giving really good massages. I think I was giving mediocre massages that people were appreciative of just because most of the time when we're touched in a healing way, it feels good whether it's amazing or not."

I was absolutely blown away. I had to know what it was after nine years that she did differently that switched what she considered a mediocre massage into a phenomenal massage, so I asked, "What did you do differently?"

"It's the strangest thing," she said. "I didn't have my mp3 player in the office. And usually when there's no music, the client wants to talk, but I made a conscious decision to have it be completely silent. And then I imagined myself on the table, almost as if I slipped into their skin, and simply listened to what their body wanted. And when I was done, I felt I had been in a trance for an hour."

This is the zone, and I'll take it a step further and suggest that this is the persuasion zone. It's the essence of matching a person to 'slip into their skin'. It's what powerful persuasion is based on -- empathy, relating to another person on whatever level they're on and not trying to push our agenda from our level but first creating the level of simpatico on their level and then pulling them with their approval to our level.

This can be done in absolutely every one-on-one work situation or personal situation, it can be done in absolutely every group situation, and the first step is to become aware that this is what needs to happen.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

Hi Persuader,

While the concept of 'energy' may seem new-agey, I personally find it integral to the understanding of self, which is the first step in understanding persuasion.

At a recent seminar I had in Tucson I really got deep into core drives which we can use to put our persuasion fingers on our clientele's triggers. These triggers are universal.

The Ancient Indian concept of Chakras are definitely considered 'woo woo' by a great many people, but are an excellent metaphor, if nothing else, for the core values and drive within each of us. Chakras are energy vortices along the body, each corresponding to a need.

Irregardless of our spiritual or religious affiliations, these energy centers are interrelated with the notion of self mastery which is in turn interrelated, in my view, with persuasion. Simply, we, as persuaders, have the ability to pick and choose from the abundance of life, spirituality, business, economics, literature, politics, popular culture, history, or anything at all, and take what is valuable and shape our world out of what we've gleaned.

I also have a personal belief that there's a certain reality to the different kinds of energy flows in our bodies. Chinese medicine practitioners would refer to that as Qi (pronounced Chi) and they can trace those energetic flows throughout our bodies in energy rivers called meridians. Meridians control different things in our body, corresponding to different organs, and to the extent that we have some awareness of this, we can use it to help ourselves. So call it DNA or Qi or Chakras or meridians. . . it's all power.

In that spirit, how can we absorb value from chakras, as one of my students suggested, even simply as a metaphor?

The base chakra is concerned with security in the same way as core values of continuing on, fight and flight. The second chakra is about sexual reproduction as is the fourth core value which I've discussed. The third chakra is about power-very similar to the third core value of fight.

As we get higher on the chakras, we also get higher in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Maslow was an American psychologist in the mid 1900s who created a scale in the form of a pyramid that explained human needs. If the bottom levels of needs aren't being met, nothing else matters.

At the bottom of the pyramid are two of the four core values in addition to biological functions. The physiological basis for physical human existence-food, water, air, sleep, sex, excretion and homeostasis (internal balance)-has extreme power where persuasion is concerned. Obviously, we're not really able to utilize air or sleep (unless you're selling mattresses) or excretion or homeostasis (unless you're a doctor).

The next level up for Maslow pertains to security-the fight and flight core values-and also corresponds to the third chakra of power.

Also for purposes of persuasion, there are imperative psychological needs that are represented at the top of the pyramid including: the need to be needed, the need to feel hope, the need to believe problems are a result of something outside ourselves, the need to be noticed and understood, the 'law of being right', and the principle of giving people a sense of power. These fit in with the rest of the chakras-the fourth one representing love and energy, the fifth one representing communication, the sixth one requiring an inner sense of knowingness, and finally that higher spiritual plane which is represented by union, bliss, God.

When we elicit criteria and gain rapport correctly and thoroughly, we tap into these needs. When you're really in deep rapport with someone, they feel noticed, they feel necessary, they feel listened to, and within that, we can really hone in on the core values of safety, security, reproduction and sustenance.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

Hi Persuader,

I'm often asked to listen to speeches or presentations or interactions between my students and their prospects to give comment on what more can be brought to their individual persuasion skills. The sad fact is, I haven't figured out a way to extend my days. I've only got 24 hours, as do all of us, and I simply don't have time to help in this way.

The up side is, if you're in my Elite Coaching Club, you are either fully capable of critiquing yourself, or you're on your way to being there. My suggestion is that you record yourself doing your presentations or speeches or calls or interviews and listen to them. I guaranty you will find this valuable.

All you have to do is listen to your presentation with the following in mind: Do I have rapport? Listen to it again and ask: Am I using the presuppositions affectively? Listen to it again to determine: Am I using their criteria affectively? How about when they objected, where could I have heard that earlier on?

What follows are some frames within which to listen to your presentations.

What's the level of rapport that you're hearing taking place? Is it strong? Could it be stronger? What would you have to do to make that stronger?

What is the overall frame you've set from the minute you begin interacting with those people? With your prospect? What's the overall frame you're setting? Is it one of authority? Is it one of one down and they're one up? Are you one up and they're one down? Are you equal? How do you come across in terms of the overall frame you're setting?

What are the presuppositions that you can identify quickly that you're using throughout your presentation? Are you using them well? Are you using them a lot?

What are you using? What are you using well? What could be used better?

Where are you getting objections? Where could you have become aware of the objection much earlier on in the presentation?

So let's say you have an hour presentation, you're listening to it, and you know that at the end, there's an objection. Where could you have heard that earlier on? How could you have become aware earlier on of what happened and how could you have framed against it earlier on maybe even at the point of the criteria elicitation? How could you have heard what was going to come out and then framed against it?

Re-listen again and ask yourself: Did you get and use their criteria? And did you continue to reference it throughout the presentation?

And again listen to it and determine: How do you feel about the length of time you were there? Were you there too long? Were you not focused on your outcome well enough or were you focused on your outcome well enough? How long were you there? How much time did it take and is that justifiable time?

If you've been studying with me for any amount of time or have been involved with my work in the least, you will begin to understand the frames I'm using to listen to you and you will be able to hear yourself with my ears in that respect.

For those of you that don't know what I'm talking about, and if you're signed up for the Persuasion Factor or in my Elite Coaching Club, you will shortly know exactly what I'm talking about.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

Hi Persuader,

Binds are a fascinating strategy in persuasion which should be used sparingly, a little ‘persuasion seasoning’ so to speak.

Binds are language patterns and like all language patterns there’s a formula.

For single binds there are two formulas: the first is, ‘if X, Y’ and the second is ‘the more you X, the more you Y.’

As a general rule, the X will be a pace (something that is verifiably true) but it can also include a suggestion or a challenge, and the Y will be a lead, how you want them to think or respond but they’re not currently doing, necessarily. (For more on pacing and leading, stay tuned.)

In other words, you can think of X as the set up, and Y is the punch line.

‘If you develop a deep understanding of the power of binds, you’ll feel compelled to sign up for The Persuasion Factor.’

Okay. . .that’s a pretty obvious example. Very transparent, I know, but you see that the first part of the sentence ‘if you develop a deep understanding of the power of binds’ is a suggestion or challenge, and ‘you’ll feel compelled to sign up for The Persuasion Factor’ is the lead, what I want you to do which you may not currently be doing.

Here’s another example: ‘The more you read what I’m explaining, the more you’ll understand the power of using it.’

Let’s break that down a little. The more you read about something, i.e. the more you read about using binds, the more you will understand how powerful they are to use. Is this true? Possibly. I think it is. But it’s more of a presupposition than it is solid, hard, cold fact.

Binds do not have to in any way make sense or be logical.

For example: ‘The more you hear about this piece of property, the more you will be compelled to buy it.’

Is that logical? Not necessarily. In other words, hearing a lot about something doesn’t compel people to buy. Hearing the right things about something might compel someone to buy, but the suggestion here is that that there is a logical link between hearing about the property and being compelled to buy it. You’re creating that link, you’re creating the truth, and you’re making it so in their minds.

Here’s where we start to get into some really interesting ways of using this. ‘The more you try and object, the more you will find yourself going along with these ideas.’

What are we really doing here? We’re issuing a challenge. The more you try and do something we don’t want you to do, the more you’ll find yourself doing what we want you to do.

Here’s another one: ‘The more you want to feel good about yourself, the more you’ll need to act now on this proposal.’

You might say, ‘Kenrick, you can’t just say that to people.’ Well, yes I can. And I do. And it works great.

My advice: write some samples out before you try using this technique. It is something that needs to be delivered smoothly or you will get an odd reaction.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

"If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail."
-- Abraham H. Maslow

Hi Persuader,

In school, unless we had an alternative education, we were taught history through the eyes of the powerful and elite. We learned about Columbus' voyage to discover the new world and what he encountered there. We learned all about the founding fathers and the Declaration of Independence. We learned that Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves.

This is clearly an overly simplified description of a narrow overview, but I use these examples just to make a point. If we're viewing history from the perspective of those in power, we're not really viewing history, are we.

The frame that education uses, the frame mandated for public educational institutions, (funded by public money and which curriculum is determined by the "powers that be"), is a positive one, for the most part. Revising history is a work of fiction, '1984', and couldn't possibly happen. But if you think about it, all history is revision.

I came across "The People's History of the United States". It's a book that has been around for almost thirty years and continues to be updated as history continues to be move forward.

This book is a classic reframe and whether or not we can agree that the perspective is valid, or "Marxist" or "socialist", we have to agree that it is an entirely different frame from what we're used to.

Look at Columbus' "discovery" from the perspective of the people who were already there: genocide and blankets with small pox.

And how about those cute Thanksgiving pilgrims that we regard as fleeing religious persecution and bravely venturing onto the New World. The natives might see this as more of a violent colonization by early English settlers.

There's a fascinating reframe at the end of the most recent edition regarding the "War on Terror". Instead of accepting the perspective, the frame that Arab terrorists attacked us on 9/11 because they hate our freedom, think about this: they were fed up with our foreign policy, our "stationing of U.S. troops in Saudi Arabia... sanctions against Iraq which... had resulted in the deaths of hundreds of thousands of children; [and] the continued U.S. support of Israel's occupation of Palestinian land."

Huh? That's not what the news tells us. Why hasn't this perspective been reported?

Frames are complicated, just as reality is complicated, just as life is complicated, but if we can see the frames for what they are, then we can control them.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

Hi Persuader,

Has this ever happened to you? You're driving down the freeway, maybe a little too fast, maybe not, and those red and blue lights begin to flash in your rearview mirror. So you pull over and prepare your papers. . . license, registration, proof of insurance. And the law enforcement officer makes his way to your window, quickly so as to not waste your time, and politely says, 'Hi. . .I'm just wondering if you . . .I'm so sorry to bother you. But would you mind showing me your license and registration? I think there might have been a slight infraction of the law and I'd really like to clear it up if you don't mind. I'm so sorry for the inconvenience.'

Umm. . . No, that hasn't happened to you. And it will never happen to you. Why? Law enforcement officers don't care about your convenience or worry about offending you. It's not the frame within which they are operating. Their frame is, 'I'm in charge. You do what I tell you to do. I have all the power in this interaction and I have absolutely no problem using this power in any way I see fit.'

Maybe not all officers are that extreme but I'm exaggerating a little to make my point.

The frames we set for ourselves and our exchanges with others are what color every business transaction and every romantic or personal interaction we have. Whoever sets the stronger frame, wins.

This doesn't mean we have to pull power trips on people. Absolutely not. This simply means that when we come to the table, we have to have our resolve strong and our place in the negotiations set. I'm not going to approach a potential new student with, 'Well, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to give you a little advice to help learn persuasion and how to increase sales. . .' Heck no! First of all, I know full and well that I'm absolutely certain I can teach anyone to increase sales through persuasion. There's no beating around the bush. I'm not shy about these things. How good a persuader would I be if I were shy about my ability to help people?

Framing is what we use to control everything. If we extend that and look at what that means, in any area of our life, there are frames that are operating and those frames are dictating our behavior, our responses and the way in which the interaction takes place.

We have the frame of the sales person and the perspective client. One frame that operates is, 'Prove to me why I need you or why I should use you.' That might be a frame that the client is coming from. A frame that the advisor might adopt might be, 'I am the expert in this field and so I work with people who understand that and can take advantage of what I tell them.'

But supposing you came from the frame of, 'I'm really not anybody. I'm just kind of trying to survive here. I don't know a whole lot, really. I just sort of represent a couple of companies that years ago, I guess I somehow lucked into my license and I represent a couple of companies that have a few things available and maybe there's something you want.'

Am I going to sign up with that guy? No. No one is.

Before your next meeting take some time to think about the framework you're using to work with the people around you.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

Hi Persuaders,

I'm sitting in a hotel room doing some research when I happened upon an article on politics. And while I typically am not all that interested in the Democratic party, this race has been different.

As I read it, I began to think of some things that I believe to be true (whether I like it or not). Here they are in no particular order.

The people in the United States are rather fed up with Republicans and with the way they are running things. (In my opinion this is too bad as I've always leaned toward that side - Libertarian actually.).

Whom ever wins the Democratic nomination will most likely become the next President of the United States.

Persuasion matters! Whom ever uses it the best will easily catapult above the other.

And in terms of persuasion, Obama wins hands down over Clinton.

If you want to watch powerful persuasion positioning, just watch what Obama is doing.

So do I believe he'll be the next President? If I had to make my answer based on persuasion skill, it would be yes, overwhelmingly. I believe he will defeat Hillary and between Obama and McCain, Obama should handily win.

The "tax and spend" policies of the far left my haunt us for many years to come, but they can't be worse than we've had with Bush at the helm. LOL

Of course, the real deal is also available. A politician with honor and integrity (believe it or not) and his name is Ron Paul. Unfortunately, from what I've seen, he believes that simply asserting the right position will make him win. He could benefit from some persuasion coaching but his message is amazing. But without real persuasion skills, I fear it is lost on the world. Not to mention that when millions of people have their collective hands out, they may well opt for the tax and spend left.

Ok, if you'd like to see what I read that started all this in my mind, here you go.

http://www.sacbee.com/110/story/732748.html

Let me know your thoughts.

Kenrick

Hi Persuader,

In a previous blog post, I gave an overview of VAK (Unraveling VAK) and it's use in persuasion and gaining rapport. I also went into more detail about the 'V' in VAK in 'Seeing the Light'. Obviously, with a title like 'Getting Touchy Feely, I've moved on to the 'K'.

To gain rapport we have to learn how people construct and make their reality. And we have to learn how they interact with that reality. For kinesthetic oriented people, that interaction is through touch and feel.

The way you know that you're interacting with a kinesthetic or feeling oriented person is that they tend to grasp for the way in which things are going to come across. They'll want to bend with you and walk, step by step. They'll often want to stick with things and grasp a hold of the kinds of things you're going over with them. Sometimes they'll even strain and work hard to tackle the task at hand. This is what kinesthetic oriented people do and sometimes they'll even touch their arm or their leg and rub it while they talk. They're kind of getting in touch with the way they feel about what's going on. They also sometimes talk about balance and merging together and catching up.

Bill Clinton is a perfect example of a kinesthetic person. One pretty famous quote of his, which was turned into parody by his notorious predilections, was 'I feel your pain.' That's the epitome of kinesthesia.

If a visual person speaks pretty quick and they're zipping right along and an auditory person speaks a little slower and sometimes in a very sing-songy voice or in a flat monotone that you can easily detect they're doing, then a kinesthetic person, in contrast, often speaks much slower and they struggle for the next thought.

Kinesthetic people obviously use kinesthetic words. These cover the tactile sense of feeling-hot, cold, firm, a firm touch, vibration-as well as the emotional sense of feeling-love, happiness, joy, anger.

Another thing kinesthetic oriented people do is they love to stand close so that they can reach out and touch. You can touch them on the shoulder, you can give them a hug, all within the realm of being respectful of course, but you can be right in their face. They love it. They're not using their pictures like the visually oriented person is (at least consciously) so they don't need to be able to see them.

That's another major difference between the three groups that will help you to identify them. One of the biggest ways though, for me, is that they, struggle . . . for their words. . .

In contrast to visual people who look up, and auditory people look side-to-side or level, kinesthetic oriented people will look down, in general.

Along these lines, but as sort of a side note, a few weeks ago I read a story online about a junior high school student in Virginia who had been cited for two infractions by his school for hugging a friend. Why? His school has a 'no physical contact' policy. This includes no handshakes, no high fives, no pats on the back, no hand holding-no touching of any sort.

My initial thought was, wow, that's really strange. Then I thought of the kinesthetic kids who might be going to that school and what a disservice is being done to them. I mean, I understand the need for clear boundaries, but no physical contact whatsoever between friends? Seems like a dangerous road to travel down.

Coming soon: Auditory Adventures.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland