Hi Persuader,

There's an English idiom that goes, "The devil is in the details." I'm sure you've all heard it. It implies that the small things in plans or schemes are often the things that take the most time in the long term. Well, in criteria elicitation, we need to dig a little deeper than just the surface act and get a little dirty with the details.

Criteria is the cornerstone of all sales. It is, to use a sports metaphor, like getting the ball down the alley each and every time. When we further define the criteria, it's a strike dead on every time.
Here's how definitions work.

In my career I've done a lot of trainings and students come to see me for a myriad of reasons. For example, two people come into a training. Both of them, when you ask them their criteria, say that what's being taught in the training is important.

If you ask them, "Is this important to you? Do you really want to learn this?" Both of them will say yes.

Yet each one has different criteria when you elicit it.

When you ask the first person they say they're there because they want to learn new skills. And so your follow up question is to ask what that means and they say that they want to see a list of skills and they want to participate in exercises using the skills so they can learn them.

The second person when you ask them what's important about what's being taught in the training, they say, it's to be recognized. That's a completely different criteria. When you ask what that means, they might say, they want to have the class participants recognize their skill and they want to be recognized by the instructor as skilled.

Both people willing to come to the training, both people willing to pay for the training, both people are in that training but in reality, if you think about it, you've really got two radically different subsections.

For any of you that have taught in front of a group, you'll know what I'm talking about here. In any group you're teaching, there will be a section of people that probably know your material and maybe reasonably well, or at least think they do. There will be a group of people that are star struck, thinking, wow, I'm really in the presence of a master.

Then there will be the majority of the people that are interested in really wanting to gain knowledge and see if there is something of value to them in what you're saying.

But it's important that you begin to understand that every time you think you know what someone wants, unless you ask, you don't. You're not on target. You're not on track. And until you both elicit the criteria and elicit the meaning, the definition, you're missing the boat.

Knowing criteria is a good start. If you want to bowl strike after strike, the key is to learn how to define their criteria.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

“I don’t remember any mistakes, only the opportunity to overcome problems.” -- James Sorenson

Hi Persuader,

If I had only known. . . I shoulda, woulda, coulda. . . Hindsight is 20/20.

Sometimes we dwell in the past, dwell on mistakes. . . I think if I had only known that gold was going to increase in value so much, I would have invested more. If I had known in the early ‘90s that there were a few tiny startup internet companies that would soon become Amazon, Google, Yahoo, I would have bought up stock like crazy. If only I could have seen into a magic crystal ball the way the housing market was going to shake out. . .

Are these lines of thought useful or helpful? Not really. We don’t have time machines. We can’t go back and fix our mistakes or take advantage of amazing opportunities that weren’t realized at the time.

Mistakes, missed opportunities, things we should have said, should have done -- these are landmines to achieving success. As I’ve said before, what you focus on, you’ll get more of. Focusing on the mistakes only gets you caught up in mistakes. Even framing these things as mistakes or problems instead of opportunities to grow and learn, speaks to the way we set up our universes, our road maps in life.

I love overcoming adversity. I love realizing I’ve made incredible progress on this journey. These things are so much more apparent for me because I’ve made a conscious decision to chart out my goals and challenges from what I want for the new year, a five year plan, and in ultimate life goals, seeing tangible evidence of this progress.

I have a friend who likes to say what you focus on, you will grow. When you take away focus, ignore the thing and give it no attention, it will go away. She likes to use the example of a pimple. What’s the quickest way to get rid of a pimple? It’s not to play with it and fret about it. The quickest way is to absolutely ignore it.

This isn’t to suggest that we become apathetic about the important things in life that need to be changed. If there’s an issue that’s important to you -- say it’s a neighborhood or community issue regarding the building of an eyesore which no one except the developer wants built. Ignoring it will not make it go away. Focusing on the negative will not make it go away. Proactively becoming involved and engaging in the process from a positive place is the best course. And what if you fail? Well, you don’t have to regret not having taken action. And you don’t have to dwell on the negative. You have only to remember that you did everything you could and worked your hardest on something that was important to you.

My suggestion and something I’ve been exploring powerfully is the idea of living in the moment. Look for more soon on how liberating living in the moment is in all areas of life.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

"Human subtlety will never devise an invention more beautiful, more simple, or more direct than does Nature, because in her inventions, nothing is lacking and nothing is superfluous."
--Leonardo da Vinci

Hi Persuader,

As a young man, I believed in raw ambition, brute force, and getting my way no matter what. I felt like in order to persuade, I had to really work hard, I had to conquer, I had to dominate. Well, thankfully, blessedly, we are not young forever. And we have the potential to mature, to learn, and to ripen.

I now understand that I don't have to be 'in domination' but 'in dominion'. My power doesn't rely on someone else being disempowered, but it relies on my inner sense of power, an assuredness that can only be obtained by being in dominion.

We've all tilted at windmills in our own ways, battling imaginary enemies in fights that are unwinnable (many times that enemy we are battling is ourselves). Why do we do this? Well, because we've got certain frames set in place that we either grew up with or which were engrained in us through schooling or society that say, 'work is hard' and 'achievement only comes through struggle'. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

For years I didn't get that 'struggling with my weight' was keeping me stuck. The languaging was setting up a brick wall. Even the term 'losing' weight is a metaphorical minefield if you think about it. Who likes to lose? Loss is something we strive to avoid.

What happens when we're in dominion is that we release the struggle and live in the now. There is absolutely nothing more powerful than being present. My mind isn't racing ahead thinking, 'I have to have my way' or 'I've just got to make this sale' or 'I can't wait for my date on Saturday night'. . . instead, you're experiencing exactly the moment, whatever that might be. And if that moment is about you selling your product or service to a potential prospect, the best way that moment can be used is in stopping, listening, eliciting, and getting to know exactly what it is that this prospect wants and needs on the deepest level.

It requires intention, attention, and patience. You might not 'get it' right away. You might struggle with your future thoughts sneaking back in or get stuck on thinking of times when you didn't make the sale. Let these thoughts come and go, take a deep breath, and then consciously focus again on exactly what the person you are persuading is telling you.

I will tell you that my life has changed incredibly for the better since I made the conscious decision to be present. Letting go of the struggle to control all possible outcomes and force things has allowed me an inner peace that is indescribable and something I highly recommend. It's the very essence of elegant self persuasion.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

"It is necessary, then, to cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude." -Wallace D. Wattles,The Science of Getting Rich or Financial Success Through Creative Thought

Hi Persuader,

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow." -Melodie Beattie

Why is gratitude important? When we are grateful for what we have, we draw more things to us to be grateful for.

I mention gratitude at the end of each of my Persuasion Factor calls and my Elite Coaching Club because gratitude should be our constant companion not just a Thanksgiving Day foot note or brief prayer on Sunday. It should permeate all of our interactions.

Experiencing gratitude does not have to be limited to when someone gives you a gift or does you a favor. True gratitude is about looking deeply at our lives and understanding how truly lucky we are to be alive at this moment in time.

I think on this every night and every day. I have a huge list of things to be grateful for, as do all of us: family, friends, colleagues, students, employees, health, financial success, future successes and advancements. I am grateful when it rains (and here in the Pacific Northwest it rains a lot) because I know that's part of why the area is so lush and fruitful. I am grateful when the sun comes out (because, as I mentioned above, here in the Pacific Northwest it rains A LOT).

I'm grateful for simple things and complicated things. And throughout my day, I stop to consider other people's situations, whether they be more challenging or easier than mine, and I am grateful for the struggles I've had to endure, and grateful for the things I accomplish with ease, both, because these are the things that have made me what I am and brought me to this point in life.

Gratitude can be powerful especially if something about our life is not quite right. For instance, if your health is not as good as it could be, instead of cursing our bodies for what they are not, try being grateful for what you can do.

There's an old Irish proverb that says, 'Count your joys instead of your woes; count your friends instead of your foes.' I love this. It's all in where we place our focus. It's all in what we choose to highlight and what we choose to minimize.

When you begin to take notice of all that is good in your life, this gratitude will turn your life around.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

Hi Persuader,

I recently had a student ask me, "Kenrick, how do you keep track all of these persuasion strategies? Every time we have a call, you pull out another technique. Sometimes I can't even remember to use the 'unconscious hello'."

When you learn a new language, are you fluent in a week?

When you learn a new instrument, can you play Rachmaninoff after a couple of lessons?

Persuasion is just as rich a subject as either of these and more because once you've learned a language, you know the language. But persuasion is an ever expanding field of study with amazing breakthroughs happening all the time.

So to put I simply, the best way I know to become a master persuader is to master the basics. And to master the basics, you have to do what people do when they're trying to learn something: PRACTICE.

'Learning' has been traditionally broken down into five different categories: imprinting, habituation, associative learning, observational learning and play.

Imprinting is a phase-based learning usually associated with young animals and humans and is the process by which babies learn from their parents. This, obviously, has no use for us in learning persuasion, but for the fact that the brain state which is achieved by use of the light and sound machines closely resembles the brain state of the very young.

An example of habitual learning is when an animal first responds to a stimulus, but if it is neither rewarding nor harmful then eventually, the response diminishes. This kind of learning rests mainly in the other-than-conscious.

The two types of learning that we most utilize in our quest for persuasion mastery are observational learning and play. The first, we're all quite familiar with: observing and repeating. 'Unconscious hello'? Observe. Repeat. We need to pay attention and then emulate.

Lastly, play. I call the homework at the end of each call 'home play' because I love the concept of play and playfulness as a way to enjoy our learning and enhance our experience of not only persuasion, but of life in general.

We're all successful in our fields. Many of us have high pressure work environments. And yet, I can't help thinking that part of what we do when we meet for our quarterly meetings is quite playful. Role playing, camaraderie, even the occasional game. Some play is unrestrained and has no outcome, but our play has a clearly defined goal, as does our work.

Back to my frustrated student's question. Persuasion is play. Persuasion is observation. Persuasion is habitual. Persuasion is repetition and emulation and commitment and intention. And it all comes in time with persistence.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

Hi Persuader,

Here's a beautiful entre into the powerful world of working with your sub/un/other than conscious mind. It's a physical manifestation as well as a metaphor. It speaks to your ability and willingness to nurture this connection which for the most part, those of us in the West, tend to treat as less than important.

It's simple and beautiful: get yourself a very small plant that can grow to a relatively good sized. When you get that plant home, I want you to talk to that plant as if it is your unconscious mind. Tell it that you need it to grow strong and healthy. Tell it that you are dedicated to its growth and well being.

This plant is going to represent your persuasion abilities at the unconscious level.

Every time you water this plant, every time you nurture and feed this plant, every time you play music for this plant, every time you talk to this plant, you'll want to repeat your intention for it, reaffirm that as it grows, so too will your ability to persuade, your ability to manifest the success, love, prosperity (et cetera) that you are seeking in life. As it grows strong and powerful, so too will everything that you put your mind to.

You could do this with several plants over time, perhaps having one plant per intention.

I've done this many times throughout the years and find it to be a spectacular thing. My wife and I were given a little plant by my wife's mother when we first got married. It was a rare and exotic plant and we decided this plant and was very beautiful.

My wife planted it and we talked to it and I kind of thought it was like a family plant which would keep our family doing well together. The plant grew and grew and grew. And when we moved to a new home, we took it with us. We found when we took it with us that it was actually like three plants, one of them was easily separated, the other two wanted to stay together. So we had three plants growing and growing. It was like our family just kept on doing better and better. It was amazing.

Unfortunately, when we moved again, we were unable to take it because it was now about 7 feet tall and it was more like a tree. What I did was tell it how much I appreciated all it did and asked it to continue to do that for anyone who lives on the property now. We shared a piece of ourselves with this property the way we took care of it and the way we landscaped it, and we hope that this would continue to bring blessings and good things for everybody to come.

I believe we sold our house in 30 days as a result. And I know that my intention will hopefully continue to bless the people there. It's a beautiful thing to do and something we can all benefit from if you add things like this into your life. Even if it's nothing other than just an expression of our intention, then so be it.

I know that thoughts become things and as we think them and repeat them enough, they become solidified and extraordinarily powerful.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

"It is your work in life that is the ultimate seduction." -- Pablo Picasso

Hi Persuader,

Sometimes in persuasion, the thing to do is to get provocative. I'm not talking about being inappropriate or crass, I'm not talking about being overtly sexual, but I am suggesting that you access the core drives a little, those primal drives that link each and every one of us as human animals, and specifically I'm thinking of the drive to reproduce.

Seduction need not be limited to the realm of mating or luring someone away from accepted principles or proper conduct. Being seductive in all aspects of your life is really a very deeply persuasive attribute. Being seductive is to win over and attract, enticing someone into our desired mindset or position.

Someone once told me that they flirt with everyone -- men, women, all ages, all nationalities, all shapes and sizes, all the time. This struck me as deeply odd until I realized they were not flirting in the sense that they were looking to 'hook up' (as the kids put it) but to charm. Once I reframed it in my mind, I realized that this is a great way to be in the world. How fascinating it is to allow everyone you come into contact with the deeply charming version of you which is usually reserved for attractive person you're trying to "get closer to", so to speak.

Here's another way to view this: it's rapport with a twist.

Now, this isn't for everyone. For example, for women, this can be a rather messy can of worms if not done with very clear boundaries. Men are highly susceptible to being flirted with or being charmed and the best bet is to be extremely obvious that this is how you interact with everyone, not just them.

Everyone loves to be given special attention and this form of rapport and criteria elicitation incites that very delightful feeling of being given that special attention.

Here's another way to access this powerful motivator. Insert into your conversation words of a titillating variety. This is a roundabout way of stimulating these drives that will give sometimes vague, sometimes intense triggers of that core drive.

Phew. . . sorry about that. I was just giving an example and got a little carried away, but now you get the idea.

Don't go too off the charts with this one or people might think you're creepy, but there is great benefit in turning on the lights and bringing these things out into the open to expose how they can turn us into better persuaders.

So while I may not exactly admit to being a flirt, I will say that I do enjoy the process of charming as a way to persuade and, in general, a way to make people feel good.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

Hi Persuader,

Try this: I'm sure you'll get it real quick but because you're all such good folks out there, I want you to spell the word 'folk' three times. Do it right now in your mind. Spell the word 'folk' three times as fast as you can.

Now what do you call the white part of an egg?

Did you say yolk? Really?

Are you asking your prospects the right questions to get to their deepest values and criteria? When we elicit criteria, if we're doing it right, our prospects don't understand what they are really giving us.

So how can we make the most of each question we ask? An extremely important thing to remember is that the questions cause the answer. What does that mean? It means that as we learn to better ask the question, we're going to be a lot better at making persuasion happen.

If I were to look at you as a brand new client, and you've never bought anything from me before and let's say I'm an advisor and I'm there to help you with wealth planning throughout your generations and I say, "Would you just tell me the two or three things that you need to hear me say today to make you buy? Just tell me so that we can get this part out of the way. Go ahead. I'm listening."

What would happen? That's right. Nothing. They'd probably either tell you to leave or they'd get up and walk out. Yet magically, when we elicit their criteria, they gladly give that very same information to us.

Why? Well, to an extent, it's disguised.

Your prospect does not understand what they're giving you when you ask this way. They don't get it. Once in a blue moon you'll find someone giving you resistance to this, but it doesn't happen often.

Even if they did understand what they were giving us, it is socially correct and absolutely acceptable to find out what they need prior to recommending a product or service. Doctors don't just prescribe medicine prior to finding out about your history, finding out if you have allergies or without finding out why you're there to see them. Neither do consultants, lawyers, or sales people. We simply cannot give people any recommendation if we don't know what they want or need.

Here's the point and this is important: we're setting people's minds up so that we can enter them and we can get them to do what we want them to do. We can set them going along a direction that when we interrupt that direction, we can cause them to immediately, as if it was always so, go along with what we're saying. (What's the white part of an egg called?)

When I ask you 'what's important about X?' or 'if I were a magician and I had a magic wand and I could wave it and get you anything in business you want, what would it be?' I'm listening very intently for where you have the strongest emotional reaction to one of the words that you're saying.

We're opening the people's minds. We're opening them to their own desires, to their own things.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland