Hi Persuader,

Indulge me. Let's enter the realm of fantasy for a moment.

Not THAT kind of fantasy, but the world of make believe, fairy tale, science fiction.

Put yourself in the head of an anthropologist from Mars. Let's pretend we're a team of anthropologists and we've taken on human form and landed in Washington DC, circa 2007.

From this perspective, what conclusions will we come to about American politics?

There's blue and red, there's elephants and donkeys. These represent the "two sides".

Well, are there really only two sides? Of course not. That's absurd.

But realistically, those are the options. Any third side or fourth side candidate is not allowed to contend because "they don't really have a chance of winning". Or "they'll take votes away from the REAL candidate".

So while these sides may appear to vehemently dislike each other, they are sort of in cahoots to keep numbers three, four, or five out of the running. Common ground.

Oh, and it gets better...

The media is an enemy to both sides. They like to highlight the actions of both teams so that they gain more revenue from advertisers.

They're sort of the devil's advocate, but not really because their loyalty is to whomever is in power and whomever owns the media outlet.

More exciting, and extremely advantageous to the media, both sides also have more titillating common enemies:

Hookers (Louisiana Senator David Vitters, who while advocating abstinence-only sex education which excluded information on birth control and safe sex, was identified by two women, the DC Madam and the Canal Street Madam, as being a client - ironic hypocrisy);

The under aged boys (U.S. Representative Mark Foley had ironic hypocrisy with one of these in the form of a Congressional page. Where once he was known as a crusader against child abuse and exploitation, it turned out to be a cover);

Wanton women (yeah, horn dog Bill Clinton and White House intern in the blue dress... at least that was consensual and she was of age).

Other enemies include...

Closeted homosexuality (see my previous post called "The Incongruent Larry Craig", and let's not forget New Jersey Democratic Governor Jim McGreevey);

Extramarital affairs (the list is too long);

And women who don't like being groped or harassed (The Terminator).

I could go on and on. There are obviously other enemies - crack cocaine (Marion Barry), voter fraud, blah, blah, blah.

Blue, red, elephant, donkey, they seem to want to make all the laws and then break them.

In our research as Martian anthropologists, we'd have to conclude that some form of perversion or criminal record is mandatory for political candidates.

We'd also have to conclude that the non-politicians, the ones who vote (or don't vote), have such a short attention span that really, it doesn't much matter. In a few weeks football season starts and there's a new season of "The Biggest Loser" and boy, then it's back to school time and the kids need new backpacks. And before you know it, it's the holidays again.

It helps to jump into the world of fantasy sometimes, to step back and look at the world from a different perspective. Much like putting a different frame on a situation, a different lens on life.

Try it with your life and your persuasion. See how it goes. Tell others about it, tell me about it on this blog. Create a discussion, invite your friends and colleagues to join the discussion here. Lord knows we need to step back from the craziness every once in a while and talk to each other intelligently about what we observe.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

Hi Persuader,

In the movie The Usual Suspects there's a scene where a detective is interrogating an alleged criminal.

The detective says, "The first thing I learned on the job, know what it was? How to spot a murderer. Let's say you arrest three guys for the same killing. Put them all in jail overnight. The next morning, whoever is sleeping is your man. If you're guilty, you know you're caught, you get some rest - let your guard down, you follow?"

This struck a chord in me about a current event. In the news (you could have hardly avoided it) is the strange story of Senator Larry Craig.

In case you've been out of the country (or in case you don't live the the U.S.), the Republican Senator from Idaho was arrested on June 11th at a Minnesota airport by a plainclothes police officer. The officer was investigating lewd conduct complaints in a men's public restroom.

On August 8th, he pled guilty to misdemeanor disorderly conduct. He paid more than $500 in fines and fees, and a 10-day jail sentence was stayed, with one year probation.

Craig's spokesman said it was a "misunderstanding".

And yet, he pled guilty.

Craig later said, "I should have had the advice of counsel in resolving this matter. In hindsight, I should not have pled guilty. I was trying to handle this matter myself quickly and expiditiously."

Here's where the incongruity comes in:

1. An innocent man doesn't plead guilty. An innocent man puts up a huge fight, doesn't get any sleep, rages about his innocence. (This is not to say that guilty people don't also use this same tactic.)

2. He didn't call an attorney. This is always the first thing one does - whether guilty or innocent - when dealing with law enforcement. What's the "quickest and most expeditious" way to handle a legal matter? Get some representation. Attorneys are like dentists... we don't really want to deal with them until we REALLY need them, but still... this is a "really need them" situation.

3. By saying, "I have never been gay - nor have I ever been gay," he believes that it is possible to be gay, say six months ago, then become ungay, say last week. This points towards a "waffling" and cover up.

And last, but perhaps the most incongruous action of all:

4. He didn't go home and tell his wife about the incident. If something as outrageous as this happened to any one of us and had absolutely no basis in truth, wouldn't we all go home to our spouses (or families or friends) and say, "You're not going to believe what happened to me today. It's the most absurd thing..."

Senator Craig has come up with a scapegoat in the form of "the media".

He claims that he pled guilty because he had been troubled by the investigations into his alleged homosexuality by the Idaho Statesman and claims that he has "been relentlessly and viciously harassed".

The media is easily vilified and a safe scapegoat, but here with his "history" it doesn't ring true.

As persuaders, how, in either situation - whether the allegations are absolutely false or absolutely true - could we frame the story if we were in his shoes?

Did his incongruity give him away?

And what can he do to unframe himself?

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

"Linguistics is arguably the most hotly contested property in the academic realm. It is soaked with the blood of poets, theologians, philosophers, philologists, psychologists, biologists, anthropologists, and neurologists, along with whatever blood can be got out of grammarians." - Russ Rymer

Hi Persuader,

What is it that has all these academics drawing blood?

The concept is funny. I envision gangs of scholars in tweed jackets and khaki pants jabbing each other with quills and inflicting massive paper cuts on their intellectual enemies.

How could the scientific study of language incite intense animosity?

Language is powerful - derisive and divisive at the same time that it is full of potential and beauty.

We all have been told, "The pen is mightier than the sword." And with that awareness, I'd like to explore the eight most dangerous words as applied to persuasion.

And this goes for any persuasion, especially when dealing with the affluent because you need the most consistency and confidence in your language to influence this elite group of individuals.

Every single one of these words has an exception, and feel free to explore and discover the exceptions and use them to your advantage.

Be very, very cautious, especially if you're a beginner with these skills. In general, you should ignore these words, stay away from them, don't use them at all. They will absolutely backfire.

Rapport is a tenuous thread when it first begins.

Persuasion, done well, starts off as a very weak force. In fact, it's a magnetic force where you're drawing them to you. You do that through rapport so that the affluent think you are them.

And YOU know that you're them, and so in doing so, you're drawing them into you. It's a magnetic pull that's actually taking place. But it's tenuous, it's weak.

If it were overwhelmingly strong, you'd be scaring your prospects off. It has to be weak to start with or you'll scare them.

They'll be wondering "what's going on, why do I feel so overwhelmed instantly?" And for the most part, that won't work too well.

So it starts off weak, and it picks up steam. Until you get there, it's tenuous, it's fragile.

These words that you're going to learn right now snap the thread, they break it, and they cast doubt where none need exist. And for that reason I call them DANGEROUS words.

Each of these words can be twisted to be positive and useful, but for the most part when you're beginning, just leave them out.

But.

This word has very strange properties. It simply cancels everything that goes before. Whatever is said before the word but is gone, it gets canceled out.

"I like you, but..." What am I saying? I don't like you.

"I'd like to go out with you, but..." I'm not going to go out with you.

The word but cancels everything that comes before it, every single thing, gone, destroyed, nada.

Try.

There is no such thing as try. Try doesn't really exist. Try always presupposes failure, so you've tried and tried and tried and tried. You either do it, or you don't do it. You either are or are not. You are not in the middle.

On an advanced level, I love the word try and I use it all the time.

"Try in vain to find anyone to disagree with me."

I love try on those kinds of situations. "Can you try really hard to think of why this might not work? Can you really try? Or, does nothing seem to come to mind?"

So, hypnotically, there are lots of ways to use try to your advantage.

However, sales and persuasion is rarely one of them. You have to be careful. You must learn more about how to use this kind of language before you destroy your chances with the affluent. Look at www.persuasionfactor.com for a program on how to do just that.

If.

If is similar to try because it presupposes "might not". It also is a weak word. It weakens who you are and what you're talking about.

"If you like what I'm telling you about today, maybe you'd like to see about possibly, you know, signing up."

Doesn't sound too confident, too reassuring, too convincing, does it?

If is a weak, weasley little word. It doesn't support self-confidence, doesn't support you having a strong intention. It gives people an out, it gives yourself an out.

Might.

Might is a wishy-washy word.

"You know, I might be able to do it." Well, can you or can't you?

How many times have you heard salespeople sound really wishy-washy?

"Well, you know, if you think this would really work for you, we might consider going ahead and trying."

It just takes away all the personal power. Watch your personal power, enhance your power every single time you can. Speak with authority and you will be respected by the affluent AND rewarded by them.

Until Next Time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

Hi Persuader,

The reason sharks die if they stop swimming is because they sink. That's where we get the idiom, "sink or swim".

Humans don't literally die if we stop progressing, stop becoming, stop learning, but we do stagnate and we may even experience a figurative death.

This can happen on all levels of existance - physically, emotionally, financially, creatively, etc.

I want to focus on the emotional aspect of this stagnation and suggest that if you are feeling stuck in other aspects of your life it may be due to a reversal. And when you read what I have to say, you may very well find yourself correcting the wrongs in your life quicker than you had thought...

Reversal is that part of your mind where you say, "I want to create a change," but you keep doing the old unwanted activity.

Why do you keep doing it if you really want to change it?

Because there's that part of you that's reversed.

So how do you get rid of the reversal?

I wanted to lose weight. But I kept eating enough for five people. I really wanted to lose weight, but I really wanted to eat too. There are two opposing forces.

Which force was more powerful?

Well, for most of my life the more powerful force was the hunger. That won out big time. But eventually my desire to live became more powerrful than my desire for cake and pizza.

Fear had something to do with it, obviously. Not wanting to die before my time, not wanting to leave my children fearless - that was the driving force, the more powerful force in the end.

Why wasn't that enough before?

Sure, I was in a certain amount of denial, feeling maybe a little invincible, immortal, but thank God I had an awakening. I had a radical reframing revelation, a momentous mental modification.

When you are reversed, you treat something that is bad as if it's good for you. It's like you forget that it's really bad and start behaving as if it's good. And you do this at a really deep psychological level.

I used to eat ice cream as if it were a good thing. I'd reward myself with it.

"Oh, I did great today, I'm going to have a pint of ice cream, I'll feel better."

It's like drugging yourself. You eay that much sugar and it's like knocking yourself out. Isn't it a wonder that I had diabetic problems for a while?

There's a quote from Gallo and Vicente that says:

An energy reversal blocks you from seeing solutions even when you have the knowledge, or prevents you from implementing the solution even though you have the ability.

You know something folks? This was so true for me with my weight. I knew how to fix it. I had helped a lot of people shed pounds even before I myself did.

I knew exactly how to fix it, but even though I had the knowledge, I couldn't implement the solution. Even if you have the ability to do something, maybe you're blocked from it.

Another profound example of reversals is drug addicts.

They know good and well that what they're doing is bad and that they're killing themselves. Take any heroin addict. They know they're going to die from it. They're going to one day overdose or have a problem.

Take any addict. They know it's horrible, but they can't stop. There's something there so good about it that they just can't stop. This is a reversal. That's why we treat for them.

Reversals can be spotted by major areas of sabotage in your life.

If you have lots of depression, ongoing addictions, alcoholism or bad relationship after bad relationship, these are the sorts of things that should be looked at.

We all have them. Somewhere we have blocks. We have reversals.

In a past post I talked about reversing the reversals in your life (called "Reversing the Reversals"). Refer to this one again and again to start making progress toward fixing the problem.

And for more information on how to learn countless other persuasion techniques, both for personal improvement and for winning favor with the affluent, visit www.PersuasionFactor.com.

Until next time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

"It is the pervading law of all things organic and inorganic,
Of all things physical and metaphysical,
Of all things human and all things super-human,
Of all true manifestations of the head,
Of the heart, of the soul,
That the life is recognizable in its expression,
That form ever follows function. This is the law."
~Louis Sullivan     

Hi Persuader,

Architect Louis Sullivan understood that form follows function. The designer of the modern skyscraper was creating the modern cityscape, trying to accomplish something that had never been tried before.

What function are YOU trying to accomplish? Your goal is to persuade the affluent, to influence them such that they buy from you.

We can fall back to Sullivan's credo and understand that we can design a form that will go along with whatever function we require.

With persuasion, you will find that you get very, very good results with building models that you're going to use to affect other people.

We've talked about builiding models of rapport before. What's the form of the model we build? The person, right? We're building THEM, we step into THEM.

What is our objective? To BECOME them, so our model IS them.

Let's get into some more wild models that will make your persuasion efforts work even more effectively with the affluent...

Like trying on someone else's skin, these all can be explained quite simply as ways of asking your unconcsious mind to do something very powerful on your behalf.

It assumes and presupposes your ability to do it, and in fact your unconscious CAN do it. Your unconscious mind simply understands what you're asking it to do, and then engages behavior for you to accomplish these things.

The next step is the model of stepping into someone, a.k.a. "the bubble". It's an interesting concept right out of metaphysical literature, and it's very effective as it relates to rapport.

What you want to do is "encircle" someone (or a group of people) with a "bubble".

The color of the bubble matters - I'm not quite sure why, but it does. So we'll just take what works and use either a pink or gold bubble.

Step One: I step into you.

As I step, I throw a lasso around you, and now you're encased in a bubble. Right when I step, I do this. As I step, I also enter the bubble.

In my mind, I throw this bubble that lands over the top of both of us. I'm in it, you're in it - we're both in the little bubble.

You might be thinking, "Well, Kenrick, this all sounds a little kooky."

Believe me, there IS a point to all of this... The point is to link us energetically, to link what the two of us are doing.

There are all kinds of tests and tons of research showing that what you think about another person affects them. You can test this with kinesiology and you can prove that...

what you think about another person affects them drastically.

So if you're inside them and you've surrounded yourself with this energetic linking, imagine what kind of effect it will have. It's extremely powerful.

Believe it or not, there are some ways to add even MORE power to this model...

First of all, for designing this form, the function that we want to accomplish is rapport that leads to persuasion, influence.

We want to think warm colors, like pink and orange. Even green would work, if you wanted to use it, but really pink and orange are the best colors.

What we want to do is persuade them. We want them to go along with us. We simply imagine this bubble as being one of persuasive influence, a persuasion-flavored bubble if you will.

Imagine you and I are sitting in a room with maybe a dozen or so other people.

I surround us with persuasion, influence, the ability for you to want to follow me, because after all that's how you feel. I programmed this into my head. This is what I decide is going to happen when I put this bubble around us.

Once the bubble is around us, what can I do with it? I can step out of it. I can just move outside the bubble, and leave the bubble around you.

Let's say that I want to encircle many, like the whole room. I can drop the bubble over all of us, and then I can step out of it.

What will be the impact of doing that?

First of all, the bubble's around you, all of you, thus I'm energetically linking all of you. When I step in, my influence takes over. My influence permeates because it's MY bubble.

If I want, I step back out and leave you all in the bubble.

What's the effect? I'm not really trying to influence you very much, except wanting to have a lot of rapport amongst all of us.

I step into the bubble... what happens? My influence takes over. It's my bubble. I own it. It works for me.

Experiment with the bubble and please post to the forum your experiences. This will be an incredibly interesting exercise for you. You'll gain an entirely new perspective on your persuasive ability toward the affluent.

Until next time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world." ~Buddha

Hi Persuader,

Here's an idea that may seem a little esoteric, a little woo woo, a little California, but put that aside for a moment and trust that I'm not leading you down the path to woo woo.

Hypothetically, imagine that all things in the universe vibrate. Everything. Imagine your prospect vibrating.

What is the speed at which they are vibrating? What is the speed at which you are vibrating? Mesh those two, so you vibrate at their speed. That's pacing.

Then move the meshed vibrations up or down, wherever you want to be. That's leading.

Is this a construct in your mind? Absolutely. Does that mean it doesn't really happen? Not necessarily.

It simply means that you don't actually have to feel it; in fact, you're probably not going to feel it, but just build a model in your mind. Can you adjust it? You bet. And that's what I'm going to suggest that you do.

We're going to imagine that we're all vibrating and you're going to adjust your vibration to where your prospect is. That means speed up or slow down to where they are.

Then you're going to take them to where you want them to go. You're going to lead by adjusting your own vibrations.

Vibration and rhythm are part of the same thing. They're part of the same basic way of looking at a person.

Rhythm is a more blatant sense of vibration, so if I look at the whole person as the vibration, then I would look at them in terms of rhythm. Are they doing anything rhythmical? Are they swaying? Are they moving something rhythmically? Tapping a pen, shaking their leg?

When I say "mental construct," I mean it literally. It is simply to say I believe I'm harmonizing, that my unconscious is making a representation and harmonizing to who and what you are. By attempting to do that, I'm going to move more into your framework, more into your model of the world, and you'll sense that.

Here are some ways to make rhythm more accessible...

Where is the rhythm located in that person? Where do you perceive the rhythm to be centered? High in their body? Low in their body? Where do you see this rhythm taking place?

Some people seem to emanate from low down. Some people seem to emanate from their center. Others from their head. Where does this person seem to emanate from? Where do they seem to come from as a person?

Simply be open to the idea and look for it. It doesn't matter whether you see it or hear it - it will still influence the person. That's my point.

Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Notice as you do this that the minute I said, "Take a deep breath and close your eyes," you probably began to slow your rhythm down.

Your vibrations probably began to slow because your first assumption was altered state. Notice how your vibration changed with your assumption changing. Your presupposition changed. You changed.

Now I want you to begin to imagine your vibration increasing and speeding up, moving faster and faster.

Then I want you to notice the direction it's traveling. Does yours go around in circles? Does it go up and down? Does it go back and forth? Which way is it moving?

I want you to move faster, and I want you to expand it slightly.

Now speed it up even faster. How do you feel once it's sped up? What's the difference between the feeling of your vibration going fast and your vibration going slow? What's the difference?

That difference is how you can begin to adjust yourself to the affluent individual you're dealing with in any given situation. You do this in order to come into rapport with them and bring them to where you want them to go.

In this way, you guide them along through your persuasion, to the ultimate buying decision.

Until next time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

Hi Persuader,

Phobias and isms... they come in all shapes and sizes. There's racism, sexism, classism, sizeism, anti-Semitism, anti-intellectualism... All of these represent a belief of superiority of one race, gender, class, size, or religion over another or a hatred of one against another.

Then we've got phobias, which are defined as "irrational fears".

Now there's the new kid on the block, Islamophobia. Actually, the term isn't new. It made its debut in the 1980s, but didn't become popular until after 9/11.

Is Islamophobia a fear? Is it rational or irrational? Could Islamophobia really be just another brand of racism?

We frame our world through words every day. It's all semantics: meaning expressed through language.

For example, we use the term homophobia to describe the irrational fear of homosexuals. However, we do not use the term heterosexism which would suggest the superiority of heterosexuality. Wouldn't heterosexism be more accurate? Who's afraid of homosexuals these days anyway?

You can see the term Islamophobia debated in this article:

http://townhall.com/columnists/DennisPrager/2007/07/31/why_islamophobia_is_a_brilliant_term

Regardless of your personal position on Islamophobia or on this writer's opinion, it is always useful to understand this take from a framing perspective.

Words have enormous power. Words can irritate and incite and enrage, or they can soothe and placate and calm. Words, when used with precision, set the frame for your listener to accept what you're saying. In doing so, you lower resistance and objection with your affluent prospects.

Stay tuned for another post on Monday. Have a great weekend!

Until then,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

"Do not worry about holding high position; worry rather about playing your proper role." ~Confucius

Hi Persuader,

This is a really great exercise to use to explore values and beliefs as they relate to dealing with your affluent prospects.

It has to do with the idea of social positions - of being "one up", "one down", or "equal" in social levels to another. Because there are so many variants to social position, these are just generalizations, but if you just think of them as one up, one down, and equal, you'll get it and you'll see amazing results with your affluent prospects.

I remember when I was nineteen years old and I wanted to go run a health spa for the company that I was working for. I went to see the vice president and I sat down with the guy and he says, "Well, what can I do for you today?"

And I said, "No, it's really what I can do for you. I realize you're probably going to think I'm a smart aleck, but I don't really care because here's the deal: I'm your number one salesman in the company. I hold every record there is to hold. Now you're going to make me the manager."

He looked at me and said, "Yeah right."

And I said, "I don't think you're hearing me. Now you're going to make me the manager and if you don't, I'm going to take the European Health Spa right next to one of your strongest clubs and I'm going to run yours to the ground."

He looked at me and asked, "Are you serious?"

"I'm dead serious."

He said, "You can't do that."

To which I replied, "What's stopping me?"

He said, "You're not good enough."

So right then and there I said, "Goodbye."

I got up and walked out and did just that. And then I recruited all the sales staff I had hired and trained and brought them with me. And then the company had a fit and tried to get me back.

What do these social positions mean?

There's no judgement involved. One person is not "better" than the other, it just has to do with who has the most power in the situation.

This has to do with logical levels of thought as well. If I elicit criteria from you about selling your house and I get to the higher level value of, let's say, freedom. Freedom is not equal to "I want to sell my house". It's what you want to accomplish by having your house sold.

If you want to move someone off of a particular position, get a higher value of what they're talking about already and use that value to move them. That's the way you can move people from one thing to another. To do that you have to learn how to jump up and jump down effectively.

Are you approaching everyone because you're a "sales person"?

Are you approaching them as if you are one down, like "Please, I hope you could possibly find the time to listen to a few minutes of what I say and if you're not interested I'll leave you alone."

That's baloney.

You've got to learn to come in basically at equal and then quickly put yourself into a higher position if you really want people to get your value. And if they don't get your value, they're not going to buy from you.

This doesn't mean you're going to come in like an arrogant fool. Maybe you have to go one down to begin with, but realize that these are positions in your head and you had better get good at traversing between them.

Sometimes you'll go down for a minute then you'll go equal, then you'll go up for a while. You'll alternate between levels. Make it fluid.

Learning how to maneuver societal position will really help you to do better in your life because you're not just locking yourself into whatever feels right for you today, you're actually thinking about it. In turn, you become a more effective persuader.

Until next time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

Hi Persuader,

Here's a great example of a powerful strategy called gaslighting and how to use it in your persuasive situations with the affluent...

I was flipping through the channels a few nights ago and I stopped on an old episode of M*A*S*H. It was the episode where BJ is bored and in an attempt to entertain himself he decides to have a little fun at Winchester's expense.

He takes a pair of Winchester's pants and replaces them with a much larger pair. When Winchester puts them on, BJ casually asks if Winchester is feeling okay, mentioning that lately he's looked a little sickly. Maybe he's not eating enough to keep up his energy, and oh boy, does he look way too thin!

A few scenes later BJ replaces the pants with a much smaller pair and when Winchester tries them on, BJ again casually "notices" how much weight Winchester has gained, which sends the vain Winchester into a dieting frenzy.

Having observed this all, Hawkeye asks BJ, "What's next?"

BJ simply responds, "Tomorrow he gets taller."

This is an example of gaslighting as a harmless prank, but the technique has far more nefarious potential and conversely when used ethically, some positive potential as well.

As with all the techniques I teach, I want to emphasize that these strategies are incredibly powerful and are developed to help with persuasion and should be used ethically with your prospects.

From the 1944 film Gaslight the term "gaslighting" acquired the meaning of ruthlessly manipulating an individual into believing something other than the truth.

The jist of the movie is that a husband tries to make his wife seem insane in order to get her out of his way by getting her admitted to a mental hospital. He does this in subtle ways that cause her to doubt her own ability to interpret reality.

Understanding and influencing how your affluent prospect interprets their reality is an intregal part of persuasion.

There are five main strategies employed in the technique of gaslighting and you can use each one to your advantage when persuading your affluent prospects.

The first is repetitive questioning and this is used to plant the seed of doubt in a person.

Game shows employ this tactic in order to heighten anticipation by causing the contestants to doubt their decisions - asking and reasking, "are you sure?"

A simple cock of the head, a raising of the eyebrow, and a comment such as, "really?" can install in the recipient, the necessary seed of doubt needed to set them off guard.

With this strategy, it is most effective to come from a non-threatening or non-challenging position. After all, you only have their best interest at heart, so go ahead and make them aware of it.

The second strategy used in gaslighting is to point out things that aren't there.

This is a particularly useful strategy in undermining a sense of reality. On the flip side, this can be used just as effectively in pointing out a person's assets and qualities, especially if the person has no idea that this quality exists within them (and even if it doesn't actually exist within them).

In interactions with a boss, a client, a prospect, someone of authority, or someone we'd like to sell to, this can be an effective tactic. Appealing to a sense of vanity or ego, when done correctly, can work phenomenally.

Warning: if the compliment is completely without merit, an obvious fabrication, then one is sure to be discovered. Subtlety and at least a small nugget of honesty works best here.

The third strategy may be employed by various professionals, experts and/or authority figures. For example, a therapist (or minister, or pychic, or doctor) has specialized or divine access to unseeable information about you - deep, mysterious information that only they know how to reveal and which gives them "the answer" that you seek.

This phenomenon causes the client to lower defenses and be more trusting and dependant. This may be part of the reason patients sometimes develop crushes on their therapists.

With these "mysteries" it is implied that the authority figure or expert is really the only way.

In sales, this technique is employed when the customer says they can get the product or service elsewhere.

For example, I really love music and not too long ago I went out to update my stereo system, specifically to find new speakers. A really knowledgeable sales lady in the store said, "Oh, you look like a person who really is a connoisseur of music."

I replied, "Yeah, I am."

And she said, "Well, you gotta hear this... Now, let me warn you. You're going to hear it and you're going to love it. And they're expensive, so should we start with something less?"

Well, I loved them. Immediately. Could I have bought it cheaper elsewhere? Probably. But you know what, the great thing was, she said, "I'll stand behind this and if anything goes wrong, we'll fix it for free. And if you need any help, I'll come and help you."

And then came the specialized knowledge. She said, "Are you good at positioning speakers?"

Positioning speakers? I had no idea what she was talking about.

I said, "You mean like other than setting them on the floor?"

"Oh, not with Martin Logans. They have to be positioned. They have to be so far from the wall and even then, it's an art. It's not a science." She continued, "Like you'll put it about so far from the wall, but there's a sweet spot and you have to turn it and adjust it and all of a sudden they sound like they're worth double what they are."

Specialized knowledge.

Well, I wasn't maneuvered into buying the speakers because of this, but let me tell you something, it didn't hurt that she had really excellent information that I wouldn't have been able to get had I ordered my speakers elsewhere.

The fourth gaslighting strategy involves revealing the secret thoughts of others.

Another term for this: gossip. But it's a specialized gossip, maneuvering the person in an attempt to give them 'insight' or a heads up about what others are saying and thereby establishing you as the one who cares enough to know the truth in driving a wedge between them and the others you name.

This can be used to install insecurity and destroy relationships, so be aware that others may use this on you. When you understand how it works, you can counteract it.

When you are the one performing the strategies, remember to use the utmost integrity with all of these.

To use this positively, you can "gossip" about the good things people are saying. "Confidentially, so and so says you're doing an amazing job, but she didn't want me to tell you this because she's afraid of losing you."

It helps to install positive behavior. Encouragement and praise are more powerful than derision and destruction.

The final strategy employed in gaslighting is to use the mighty power of the many against the fragile power of the one.

Kids do this all the time. It's employed in politics, religion, and suburbia, through the media, the educational system, and society-at-large in varying degrees.

It's a groupthink straight out of 1984.

Ganging up on others is a very powerful tactic. If many others confront you, telling you your position is wrong, it's very difficult to maintain your belief.

This one also has a positive use...

Bring the power of social proof to bear before you are challenged.

Show how studies or polls indicate that your position is overwhelmingly supported. A tremendous amount of people are not what I'd call "independent thinkers". When shown how, "overwhelmingly" a product or position is supported, they want to belong, agree and buy.

As you can see, gaslighting isn't necessarily a nice practice. It is designed into trick someone into doubting themselves and their own sanity.

But there are ways that gaslighting can be used for a positive outcome. You have to decide whether it's the right thing to use this technique and when it's the right time not to use it, but just know this:

There may be other people out there who are using it on you. At least if you know how to think like this, you'll know also how to defend against it.

Listen, this is just the tip of the persuasion iceberg. For more information on persuasion, and how you can strengthen your power of influence, please go to www.PersuasionFactor.com for a course on the details of persuading the affluent.

For further reading specifically on the subject of gaslighting, try Gaslighting, The Double Whammy, Interrogation, and Other Methods of Covert Control In Psychotherapy and Analysis by Dr. Theo L. Dorpat and Gaslighting: How To Drive Your Enemies Crazy by Vistor Santoro.

Until next time,

Kenrick E. Cleveland

"It is as if evolution has built a safety device in our nervous system that allows us to experience full happiness only when we are living at 100% - when we are fully using the physical and mental equipment we have been given." ~Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Hi Persuader,

Are you living at 100%? Physically, mentally, spiritually, persuasively? The search for meaning and fulfillment and happiness are within all of us and yet out of reach for many. Why? Why do some people struggle with money, relationships, weight issues, and lack of motivation while others breeze through life with their paths laid out before them, living up to their full potential?

I happen to believe that this is partially a result of a disconnect with our other-than-conscious selves. When we engage our other-than-conscious, phenomenal things can happen.

I think a spectacular way of looking at your subconscious, or "other-than-consicous" mind is engaging it as your gentle giant, bashful genie, guardian angel, or whatever other name you're comfortable with.

It's an additional power within us, capable of being harnessed. You've had it from the minute you were born. And from the minute you were born, it was learning. You're simply observing what it is that you're hearing.

It's being filtered into another part of you.

Through all of your conditioning - punishments and rewards, schooling and experiential learning - your other-than-conscious learns to do certain things, to expect certain things and create a metaphorical map of what will happen to you in your life which could predict successes, failures, areas in which you do well, and areas in which you wouldn't.

It has numerous roles and you will be infinitely powerful in your persuasion when you understand this about your other-than-conscious...

One is to keep you alive and the other thing is to make you keep on doing what you've been doing. That's where problems can come in and can lead to us feeling stuck or held back emotionally. You want to raise your game, not stay the same.

Our other-than-conscious may have been sabotaged by receiving negative conditioning of 'I can't do it'. This is the portion of who you are that can make something a habit and then not have to keep remembering it. This can work for the positive or the negative.

You're going to experience an enormous difference in your life as we reframe the power of your other-than-conscious and engage it to aide us in exploring how far we can go.

The most important thing you can do is to become its friend. You must have rapport with it.

When I first heard this I laughed. I thought, "What do you mean I have to become a friend with some other part of me?". But if you'll just take a leap of faith, I think you're going to find that it makes a huge difference in the way you see things and you'll get a whole lot further a whole lot quicker in your persuasion.

It's this simple: have a kind conversation with yourself. Ask for what you need help with. How about: 'gentle giant, I'd really love it if we doubled our income this year and I know we can absolutely do that.' Or how about, 'I know in the past we've been trained to believe that we're not worthy of the right kind of relationship, but I'd like for us to have a really good connection and I know you can help with that.'

Or maybe, "I'd love it if my persuasion skills went through the roof and you are the one to really turn to in seeking an ally." Just try it and see what kind of results you get.

Remember the role of your other-than-conscious mind as it relates to success.

Everything that you are, everything that you do, and everything that you have began with your intention to have it in one way or another is controlled by your other-than-conscious mind. All you have to do is tap into your persuasive power and your persuasion skills will naturally develop.

Until then,

Kenrick E. Cleveland